Mana for the soul

new blog

2008-03-24T14:10:00.003-05:00

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once more

2008-02-25T23:25:00.000-06:00

it's been a pretty craptastic week or two. i can't seem to get into rhythm. i'm in this weird limbo/transition period right now, and i don't like it. God has been revealing a lot of idols in my heart lately. i keep telling Him what i want, and He keeps asking if i trust Him... i don't really like this dialog. i mean i do, but it's been difficult. i deeply desire more of Him, and yet i struggle against it. i debating how much to share of what's floating in my head, because a lot of my thoughts would seem pretty random to most, and yet somehow they all fit together for me. i have a lot of time, and yet i feel like God has been calling me to be still. i try to get lost in distraction, and so i've been struggling with sin. lust and gluttony are my distractions of choice. oh how easily i wander, how easily i'm pulled away and ensnared by the immediate relief they offer. i've been doing a lot of remembering lately, a lot of reflecting. i miss a lot of things... God why do i have these memories, what would you have me to do with them? how easily i doubt His promises, how quickly i forget His faithfulness. i'd like to leave this all tidy and concluded, but sitting here, i feel like a mess. i can't always finish with answers because i'm still in progress.

fervently and unceasingly

2008-02-02T02:17:00.000-06:00

dear beloved

there are those moments of clarity when things come into focus, and you just know.

you beg and plead for answers, to just understand... and He responds.

how many times do we ask and not listen? how many times have we cried out and assumed Him silent.

but in knowing, can we hold unswervingly to the Hope that we have? can we trust Him, completely and entirely...

we know Him trustworthy and yet tremble at His response.

have you ever been shook to the core, to the very fiber that holds you together?

praying fervently and unceasingly:

that you would know a love that surpasses understanding
that in Him you would find breath and life and every good thing
that you would lose your life to gain it

a dim reflection,
yours

the greatest tragedy (part one)

2008-01-19T19:50:00.000-06:00

the greatest tragedy (part one)

the LORD God said, "it is not good for man to be alone. i will make a helper suitable for him."
Genesis 2:18

in perfection, it was not good for man to be alone. we find ourselves in a broken and fallen world, but Jesus came to redeem and restore. Scripture is Gods story of redemption. it's testimony after testimony revealing the character of our Creator. the One who was, who is, and who'll always be. we find ourselves caught up in His story. He beckons we stare at Him, stare at Jesus. to celebrate and imitate. only in Him will we find breath and life and every good thing.

marriage is a picture. it's the closet representation we have of Christ and the church, His bride. how did something so beautiful become so perverted and tainted? why does marriage bring about thoughts of heavy bonds and burden? when did it become a second rate pursuit?

our generations greatest tragedy is the destruction of marriage.

for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24

the very air we breath is poisoned, and this shouldn't come as a surprise. we are ambassadors in a foreign land. we battle our sinful nature and the enemy. everything became fractured at the fall, beauty ruined.

so how do we redeem relationships? how do we restore the beauty of marriage?
we have to understand the purpose of marriage. we have to understand Gods intended roles for men and women.

do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.
romans 12:2

we exist to know Him and make Him known. He is our greatest good. the purpose of marriage is to bring glory to God. isn't it funny how we've separated good from God? we constantly battle against believing that God wants to keep us from good. why can't we have sex with whomever, whenever we want? why must commitment precede our emotional and physical desires? why must men love by sacrificing, and why must women love by submitting? how often we believe that we know better than God... the Creator of the universe! if we say it aloud, it's comical. but that's exactly how we live.

we were created for relationship. when Jesus prayed before He was taken to the cross, He desired for us to be one, as He is one with the Father. (John 17:20-22) Jesus is our model for perfect relationship. God the Son (Jesus) submits to God the Father, and God the Holy Spirit submits to the Son. they're all equally God, but they each have distinct roles in the trinity. so too with us, male and female. we have equal value in the sight of God, both being created in His image, but we have distinct roles. God created us distinctly to serve the body, and these differences were given to bring Him glory.

the destruction of marriage began with the destruction of our distinct roles in relationship; the distinct roles modeled by Jesus, and laid out in scripture.

so what are our distinct roles?

God created man, and then He created women (from man) as a helpmate. He created adam, and then gave eve to adam to help adam attend to the directive God had given him. adams directive was two-fold; to govern and cultivate the earth. (Genesis 2:15) eve was given adams directive, in other words she was given to help adam accomplish his directive, she wasn't given her own. adam and eve together were given the second directive, be fruitful and multiply. neither adam or eve could accomplish these directives apart from each other. from the beginning in perfection, men and women were compliments to each other with distinct roles. (Genesis 1:28)

Jesus added one more directive after His resurrection; to be His ambassadors. (Matthew 28:16-20)

men are called to be Christs ambassadors, govern and cultivate the earth, and be fruitful and multiply. women are called to be Christs ambassadors and to help/assist a man in accomplishing His directives.

God gives each man a unique task in the overall directive in which to accomplish. women are called to one man to assist/help accomplish this task. at some point we decided we didn't like the roles God laid out for us, and began defining our roles as we pleased. we display by our words and actions that our ways are better then His. we lose sight of our distinct but equally valuable roles as men and women. lazy and idle men have relinquished their roles as leaders, and cultivators. while women have been deceived into believing that wife and mother are secondary pursuits.

our primary calling as men and women is to be Christs ambassadors, but God has given us, male and female, distinct roles to play in His story.

our primary role as men is to lead, cultivate, and multiply. women your primary role is to help/assist one man to lead, cultivate, and multiply.

for further study: Reforming Marriage by Douglas Wilson

the tide

2007-12-30T00:05:00.000-06:00

the tide ebbs and flows

oceans roar

seas of calm

tossed to and fro

gliding gently

going under

rising swiftly

lost at sea

safely ashore

suffocating

breathing deeply

awaiting death

enjoying life

take me under

lead me home

i celebrate and imitate

2007-12-24T20:48:00.000-06:00

"i celebrate the day" - relient k

and with this Christmas wish is missed
the point i could convey

if only i could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life
because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as new year's eve

and from a lack of my persistency
we're less than half as close as i want to be

chorus:

and the first time
that You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior

and the first breath that left Your lips
did You know that it would change this world forever

bridge:

to look back and think that
this baby would one day save me

in the hope that what You did
that you were born so i might really live

to look back and think that
this baby would one day save me

and so this Christmas i'll compare the things i've felt in prior years
to what this midnight made so clear
that You have come to meet me here

and i, i celebrate the day
that You were born to die
so i could one day pray for You to save my life

pray for you to save my life

the Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. we have seen His glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John 1:14

He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.
Romans 4:25

we are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. we implore you on Christ's behalf: be reconciled to God.
2 Cor 5:20

whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.
Matt 10:39

the battle wages

2007-12-13T23:07:00.000-06:00

the dance begins
and dreams ensue

He loved
you received

He asked
you obeyed

He sustained
through want and plenty

but a new day beckoned
He led, you followed

you crossed his path
he crossed your path

he asked
you answered

he spoke, you listened
you spoke, he listened

He initiated, you reciprocated
He wooed, you drew near

you giggled, he laughed
he enjoyed, you delighted

he impassioned, you embodied
you shone, he radiated

He whispered, you listened
He led, you followed

you waited, he planed
you anticipated, he executed

pointing and reflecting
you reminded, he edified

he battled, you dreamed
you encouraged, he pursued

he asked, you trusted
you followed, he led

though each skirmish
step by step
dancing and dreaming

i desire. i demand.

2007-12-06T01:36:00.000-06:00

what causes fights and quarrels among you? don't they come from your desires that battle within you? you want something but don't get it. you kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. you quarrel and fight. you do not have, because you do not ask God. when you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
james 4:1-3

so desire isn't bad. to desire love, to desire acceptance, to desire value and worth. He wired us this way, we were designed to desire these things. but because we are broken, because we are sinners, we've tainted it.

"just as cars were made to run on gas, so we were made to run on Him"
cs lewis

we try to fulfill those desires with creation. when He is enough, He is sufficient. He designed us to be fully satisfied in delighting and enjoying Him forever.

idolatry is desire turned to demand

i understand this intellectually, but how often do i live this way? i begin finding my value and worth in their love and acceptance. an idol is born. i begin expecting encouragement and affirmation. i demand. i begin giving only to receive. i punish. i elevate my desire to need, when my only true need is Christ.

whom have i in heaven but you?
and earth has nothing i desire besides you.
my flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
psalm 73:25-26

may we rejoice that Hope has ransomed us, and that we idolaters are accounted our saviors righteousness.

and may we worship and delight in the One who is worthy, who holds all things together, and who offers life... that is truly life.

the next adventure

2007-12-02T23:57:00.000-06:00

so i rarely journal...

but i needed to flesh out some things. i've been in this crazy place lately. it's hard to put to words. maybe i'm just bad with words. it seems when i need them the most they fail me. when i'd like to express myself clearly, i'm the least clear. and yet i have these moments of pure brilliance. that sounded pretty prideful, i apologize. but seriously, like God has allowed me to be present to watch him work. and my heart swells to think that i want that for you. i want you to know Him and see Him, even if for brief glimpses of something indescribable. i desire to share that, to see people encounter and experience Him. i've been feeling discontent lately. i want more than this. and i don't mean like empty. i mean like i feel like i settle for good. but He is great, He is creator King of the universe. am i limiting Him? like my little plans could compare to His? it's just i've seen bad, i've seen ugly, i've seen horrible. like i'm negotiating with Him, and telling Him i'm okay with good... i just don't want horrible. but He's sitting there saying you can do good, but only i can do great. the holidays are hard. this whole single thing is beginning to weigh. like i could have something, but i don't just want something, i want something beautiful ... something that reflects who He is. so i pray for that. i pray for something beyond me, something only He can provide and is capable of.

i've tried to describe my life before, and always the best descriptive i have is i'm caught in the whirlwind that is God. not even sure if that's really adequate, but it's the closest i've got. but if i'm inviting someone to join me in it, i'd have to ask them if they're ready for an adventure. He's been so faithful in that prayer, and the invitation stands.

and so i await the next adventure... maybe the next chapter in the story. you get the picture.

search me, O God

2007-11-30T13:56:00.000-06:00

how often do we ask Him to use us, and then when He does, we dislike the means?
is that what we really meant? were we really trusting Him with total control?
or was it, only use me in ways that i'm comfortable being used...

then i heard the voice of the Lord saying, "whom shall i send? and who will go for Us?" and i said, "here am i. send me!"
isaiah 6:8

i sit in the realization of how often i ask the Lord to use me, and how often i spurn the Lords discipline and training.

and you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"my son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when He rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those He loves,
and He punishes everyone He accepts as a son."
hebrews 12:5-6

how often i question His purpose and plans. how can i know His word to be true and promises sure, and then not trust them?

every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
james 1:17

father you know that i love you... but how often i wander, how often i don't place you utmost.

how easily we forget His faithfulness, how quickly we wallow in our present sufferings.

now if we are children, then we are heirs-heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory.
romans 8:17

may He continually remind us of who He is, may His grace and truth encounter us, and may He be our God and we His people.

we are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. we implore you on Christ's behalf: be reconciled to God.
2 cor 5:20

i plead for God to make us the kind of people who desire Him utmost, to kill in us what would prevent us from more of Him, to protect us from becoming caught up in all that would entangle and distract us from finding joy and fulfillment in enjoying Him solely and completely.

search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
see if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
psalm 139:23-24

perfectly reconciled

2007-11-27T12:04:00.000-06:00

God is Just.

the penalty of sin is death. sin is not just the bad things we do, but a condition we're born with. so we're all guilty. we're all sinners. we have a disease that we can not cure.

and God is Just.

justice is receiving what you deserve. so we have a problem. if God is just, then we all deserve death. death being eternal separation from our greatest good, God.

so God is Just?

sacrifice. throughout the old testament sheep and goats were sacrificed for sin. the penalty had to be paid. but there's still a problem, we continually sin. we are worship thieves, we worship creation over the creator. we disobey, we think are ways are better then His. we steal, we lie, we murder, we lust... we fall short.

Gods Justice

why do we try to separate the God of the old testament from the God of the new? has He changed?
from genesis to malachi we see the revealed character of God, I AM. God commands His people to destroy nations and kingdoms. He strikes down those who disobey Him. His people are killed, scattered, and their land ravaged.

God is Just and Merciful.

but don't miss His mercy. we deserve punishment. our just punishment is to be destroyed, to be struck down, to be scattered, ravaged, and killed. we deserve death.

so God is Just and Merciful?

Mercy is not receiving what we deserve. Have we only read half the story? in genesis when adam and eve sinned, did God separate Himself from them eternally? no, but death would have been a just punishment. remember that sin deserves death, and anything short is mercy. the old testament is filled with testimony after testimony of Gods abundant mercy shown toward a stubborn, rebellious, and sinful people.

the culmination of His Justice and Mercy.

so how does a Just and Merciful God reconcile stubborn, rebellious, and sinful people? the new testament is the testimony of the perfect culmination of Justice and Mercy in the God-Man Jesus. the old testament was a foreshadow, of the One to come.

Justice and Mercy perfectly reconciled.

But He was pierced for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him,
and by His wounds we are healed.
isaiah 53:5

He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.
romans 4:25

our just God sent His son to ransom us, to bear our punishment, our shame, our guilt, and our sins. He did so to perfectly display His abundant mercy, and reconcile to Himself a people separated from Him.

crippled

2007-11-08T21:23:00.000-06:00

the other day God was weighing a friend of mine on my heart, and as i began praying for him, i was reminded...

my friend can't use his legs fully because he is physically crippled, but every time i think of him, i don't think of someone crippled...

i think of a passionate man of God whose compassion, kindness, and mercy inspires and challenges me. it would seem that in my friends weakness, He is made greater. and not just in spite of it, but because of it...

and i began reflecting on my own weaknesses. i'm a relational novice, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. Gods wisdom and grace are apparent in many aspects of my life, but in this area i'm crippled.

and i've seen that not just in spite of my weakness, but because of it, He is made greater. that He has using my ignorance to draw me closer to Him.

so i pray that we would see Him magnified and glorified through crippled people. people like you and me...

but he said to me, "My Grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. that is why, for Christ's sake, i delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. for when i am weak, then i am strong.
2 Cor 12:9-10

but God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him.
1 Cor 1:26-29

He must increase, i must decrease.
John 3:30

about a boy

2007-10-29T13:52:00.001-05:00

a young couple bore a son. they loved each other and this son with all the love that they were capable of. the young woman raised this son, while the father provided for him. the father found his identity in his work, just as he had seen other fathers do. he worked long hours, night and day. he found assurance in his strength, his wisdom, and the safety he provided. the mother found her happiness in her son, just as other mothers before her had. she loved and cared for this son with all her strength and wisdom. she spend all day and all night with him. she loved him with all the love she was able to give. this young couple grew apart, the young father to his work, and the young mother to her child. the young mother had exhausted all the love she had for her young husband. there finally came a day when the young mother gathered her things along with her son, and left the home her husband had provided her. the husband fought with all his might, his wisdom, and his strength to recover his wife and son. he didn't notice his actions were only creating greater distance between himself and his wife and son. he didn't recognize the pain and anguish he caused them.

and the young boy grew...

the young mother wondered for many years why her young husbands love was never adequate. why their love failed each other and her son. she knew there was something missing, a void she couldn't fill. the young mothers life continued to fall apart. she began searching for answers. she encountered a group of people who claimed there was something more. they claimed they knew what was missing, and they offered to show her how to find it. she began meeting with these people regularly, and what they said confounded her. they said she could never attain the life she desired, that she was a sinner separated from her greatest good - her Creator. but they said there was Good News. they told her that a God-Man named Jesus lived a perfect life and died on a cross and He offers Grace to all who believe and receive. that He conquered death, and offered the life and love she desired. her life was turned upside down, as her Father brought her into the desert and wooed her. she finally believed and received.

and the young boy grew in wisdom and in stature...

the boy began seeing changes in his young mother. her life began reflecting differences he couldn't account for. she introduced him to people she'd encountered and began treating them like family. something was different about the way she loved, but he knew there was something more. he never understood why his young mother and fathers love had failed. nor why their love always failed him. he began searching for answers. and he too encountered these people who claimed to know what was missing. then one day these people explained the Gospel. in that moment the boy knew, he knew what was missing, and he knew what they spoke was true. and he believed and received.

and the young boy grew in wisdom and in stature before God and men...

the years went swiftly by. the boys life went though many seasons of joy and sorrow, want and plenty. but the boys Father loved, provided, and protected him. He disciplined his son, He molded and refined him. and one day his Father revealed the plan for his life, the purpose for which the boy was created. the boy was scared and doubted. but his Father reminded him that he was indeed incapable, but that He would do it. the boy grew in Grace and mercy.

and the boy became a man...

stare at jesus

2007-10-25T20:46:00.000-05:00

i just finished reading "an echo in the darkness," which is the 2nd book in Francine Rivers mark of the lion trilogy. Francine is a phenomenal writer and story teller. she is able to use words to convey messages few have mastered. but what sets apart her works from others isn't those qualities, but how beautifully she saturates her writing with the gospel.

God has totally used her words to challenge and encourage me...

the story is set in biblical times, and chronicles a young jewish christian girls life (hadassah) after Jerusalem is destroyed by roman occupation. her family is killed, and she becomes enslaved to rome.

in the midst of the greatest sorrows and sufferings, she lived out the gospel. she remembered that He would never leave her or forsake her, and she lived a life of desperate dependence on Him.

how often do i look to circumstance to determine my welfare. thinking if i'd only had parents who loved me like they should have, or people in my life who didn't constantly disappoint me. if i could only go back and change this or that, wouldn't things be different.

God is that really how i treat you, do i really believe my plans are better then Yours?

if you took my sight
if i could never walk again
if my voice ceased

would i still praise your name?

something that continues to stick with me is the story of phoebe, the wife of hadassahs master. God used hadassah to share the gospel with her mistress, who came to faith. phoebe desired to live in the same desperate dependence and began using the wealth God had bestowed on her as a means of furthering His kingdom. but she began trying to earn the grace given her by acts of service. she began losing sight of Him over His kingdom. she began using ministry to distract her from her lost children whom God was placing on her heart. God forced her to stop, and listen. she had a stroke which left her paralyzed, leaving her face to face with her creator. God used this discipline to bring her closer to Himself.

"my son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when He rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those He loves,
and He punishes everyone He accepts as a son."
hebrews 12:5-6; proverbs 3:11-12

how often do i take lightly His discipline? how often do i complain over my circumstance?

why do i forget that even the pain and sorrow is to bring me closer to Him?

this past weekend our pastor (matt chandler) presented the gospel. God used his words to speak powerfully to me.

"we want everything to be so complicated, we want something to do, when really all scripture requires is that we just stare at Jesus..."

oh the power of that statement, the depth of it's understanding. to just stare at Jesus.

to be so awe fully overwhelmed by His majesty, to walk in His strength, to overflow with His love, and to die as He died.

to depend desperately on Him for my every breath, and walk in grace and truth.

father, i can't do it but your son did! make me that kind of man. a man who can just stare at Jesus.

for by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.
colossians 1:16-17

given freely

2007-10-18T09:20:00.000-05:00

how often we succumb to the lie that He has abandoned us, that He has left us alone. the pain and sorrow so deep and severe He couldn't possible be near. we cry out "why oh Lord have you forsaken me?"

be strong and courageous. do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.
deu 31:6

why are we so easily deceived? He will NEVER leave you or forsake you, His creation, His child, His bride, His beloved. do we not trust His promise? do we not trust His word?

in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.
john 1:1-2

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
john 14:6

we think our questions are ignored or go unheard, but again we deceive ourselves.

ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. for everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
matthew 7:7-8

job was accredited righteousness by God. he cried to God in his anguish, pain, and sorrow. he lacked wisdom, clarity, and understanding. so he asked, begged, and pleaded with God, "why!!?!?"

why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb?
job 3:11

why is light given to those in misery, and life to the bitter of soul, to those who long for death that does not come, who search for it more than for hidden treasure, who are filled with gladness and rejoice when they reach the grave?
job 3:20-22

why is life given to a man whose way is hidden, whom God has hedged in?
job 3:23

and God answered job. but He answered job, just as He answers us.

where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
tell me, if you understand.
who marked off its dimensions? surely you know!
who stretched a measuring line across it?
job 38:4-5

who are you that you should question the ways of the Almighty God? who are you that you believe you know what's best? who are you to think you could fathom the depths of His wisdom and understanding? we are but dust; held together by Him and created for His purpose.

for by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.
col 1:16-17

why do we not understand that He is and we are not? that His ways are not our ways. that His plan will bring about our ultimate joy and fulfillment.

consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
james 1:2-5

do we trust Him, do we trust His word? not just intellectually, but do we really live like that? in want or plenty, in sorrow or joy, do we cry Blessed be His name?

but He said to me, "My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 cor 12:9

do we know, believe and live, that He is enough? that He is adequate...

and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
romans 8:28

when I lay these questions before God I get no answer. but a rather special sort of "no answer." it is not the locked door. it is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate gaze. as though He shook His head not in refusal but in waving the question. like, "Peace, child, you don't understand."
cs lewis "a grief observed"

grace and truth

2007-10-17T01:04:00.000-05:00

father... i can't do it! i'm incapable and inadequate. i need you. oh, how i need you. i'm pleading that you grow me in grace, mercy, and compassion.

i know truth, i know you are truth and the words you speak are true. but how do i walk in grace and truth.

teach me to breath grace!

you have me, you know that i love you. give me the wisdom that John possessed.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only,who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John 1:14

For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.
John 1:17

oh sweet Erosion, break me and make me whole...

hopes, prayers, and reflections

2007-10-09T23:07:00.000-05:00

marrying a woman of God; a co-laborer, companion, and compliment
a woman who'd allow me to serve, love, cherish, nourish, and lead her
who loves God with every fiber of her being, and loves people.
she sees children as a blessing, and desires to love and disciple them.
who mentors other women.
whose heart breaks for widows and orphans.
who's always ready to cloth the naked and feed the hungry.
who desires a husband to provide and sacrifice for her and her family.
whose home is open to those in need.
who desires to live a daily adventure in desperate dependence on our God and King.

being a Man of God; a husband, father, and pastor

being an example for others to follow. that my life would be a testament to His mercy, grace, and love.

having as many children as God would provide. cultivating and discipling them into men and women of God.

planting (or replanting) and pastoring a church in southern california
serving, loving, teaching, leading, and discipling a body

stewarding all the resources He's provided me to His glory and renown.

being dust and watching Him work mightily through, and despite me.

living a life worth living. not just existing but thriving. with a purpose, on purpose.

keeping fixed and focused on the Blesser over the blessing
putting flesh to Christ's love
running with perseverance the race marked out for me

worship Q and A :: James Humphries

2007-10-08T10:48:00.000-05:00

worship Q and A :: James Humphries

drew tufano sits down with james humphries for a little worship Q and A.

http://odeo.com/audio/17069693/view

Q and A :: Drew Tufano

2007-10-01T19:15:00.000-05:00

Q and A :: Drew Tufano

james humphries sits down with drew tufano for a little Q and A.

http://odeo.com/audio/17069213/view

undeserved

2007-09-19T21:56:00.001-05:00

"I just can't forgive Pam's adultery," Rick said. "She says she's sorry and she's begged for forgiveness, but I can't forget what she did. Its like a huge wall between us, and I can't get though it."

"So you think divorce is the answer?" I asked.
"I don't know what else to do! I told her that I forgive her, but I just can't be close to her again. She's depressed and has withdrawn even further from me. I'm afraid she's going to look for intimacy with someone else again. We're both in agony, and it seems like we'd be better off divorced."

I could see the weariness in his face. "I'm sure both of you are in terrible pain, Rick. But I don't think divorce is going to end it. You'll just trade one kind of pain for another. There is a way to keep your marriage together and to truly put the past behind you. But you won't find in with the empty forgiveness you've offered Pam."

"what do you mean,'empty forgiveness'?"
"Rick, imagine that you had just confessed a serious sin to God, and for the first time in your life He spoke to you audibly: 'I forgive you, Rick, but I can't ever be close to you again.' How would you feel?"

After an awkward pause, he replied, "I guess I'd feel like God hadn't really forgiven me."
"But isn't that exactly the way you are forgiving Pam?" I asked.
Rick looked at the floor, wrestling for an answer.
In a softer voice, I continued, "Imagine instead that God said., 'Rick I forgive you. I promise never to think about your sin again, or to dwell on it or brood over it. I promise not to talk to others about it. And I promise not to let this sin stand between us or hinder our relationship.'"
After a long silence, tears began to fill Rick's eyes. "I would know I was completely forgiven... But I wouldn't deserve that kind of forgiveness after the way I've treated Pam."
"Would you ever deserve it?" I asked. "God's forgiveness is a free gift purchased for you by Jesus' death on the cross. He doesn't forgive you because you've earned it. He forgives you because He loves you. When you truly understand how precious and undeserved His forgiveness is, you will want to forgive Pam the same way He has forgiven you."

"I know I should, but how could I ever keep those promises? I can't imagine forgetting what Pam did! And i just don't feel like I could ever be close to her again."
"Hold on, Rick. Where in the Bible does it say that forgiveness is forgetting? Or that it depends on feelings? Forgiveness is a choice, a decision you make by God's grace in spite of your feelings. Of course it's hard, especially in a case like this. But if you ask for God's help as you make those promises to Pam, He will give you the grace to follow through on them."

(pg 201) "the peacemaker," ken sande

leave your gift there in front of the altar. first go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
matthew 5:24 (niv)

so watch yourselves. "if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'i repent,' forgive him."
luke 17:3-4 (niv)

and when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.
mark 11:25 (niv)

be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in
Christ God forgave you.
ephesians 4:32 (niv)

[Love] keeps no record of wrongs...
1 cor 13:5 (niv)

worth dying for

2007-09-17T16:47:00.000-05:00

Your worth does not come from your body, your mind, your work, what you produce, what you put out. How much money you make. Your worth does not come from whether you have a man. Your worth does not come from whether or not men notice you. You have inestimable worth that comes from your Creator.

You will continue to be tempted in a thousand different ways not to believe this. The temptation will be to go on searching for your worth and validity from places other than your Creator; especially from men.

You are worth dying for...

pg 124 "Sex. God.", Rob Bell

we love because He first loved us.
1 john 4:19

husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.
ephesians 5:25

greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
john 15:13

thank you

2007-09-09T23:52:00.000-05:00

Why in the world did you come after me?
Thank you, thank you
Words aren't enough, but for now I can say
Thank you, thank you
...
I can't understand a love of this kind

"Thank You," Sanctus Real

these words took on new depth in my life recently. father, may i learn to love, as you love me. to know my love is inadequate, and that i can only love from the overflow of your love for me.

Love is Patient
Love is Kind
Love does not Envy
Love does not Delight in Evil
Love is not Arrogant
Love is not Proud
Love is not Rude
Love is not Self Seeking
Love is not Easily Angered
Love always Protects
Love always Trusts
Love always Hopes
Love always Perseveres
Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs
Love Rejoices with the Truth

LOVE
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

our failures

2007-09-01T18:44:00.000-05:00

i've been re-reading Josh Harris's book "boy meets girl" today, and God weighted heavy these words on my heart, and tears fell as I read them...

"Ladies, despite what you may have experienced at the hands of your earthly father, know that this is the heart of your heavenly Father for you. You were never meant to be unprotected. I'm sorry that many of you have never had a Christian father like this to care for you. I'm sorry that negligence on the part of men has left you vulnerable to mistreatment and abuse. I'm sorry that you've had to assume masculine traits necessary to fight for yourself and be your own protector.

That isn't God's plan - it's the consequence of our sin and disobedience. Jesus came to reverse the effects of sin. Part of the reason He's given us the local church is to give fathers to the fatherless. God has given us the local church to be the spiritual family that can fill in where our natural family is lacking."
(page 132)

will we be the men God has called us to be?

trust issues

2007-08-21T04:42:00.000-05:00

so i've been reading through two books as of late; "the peacemaker" by ken sande and "when people are big and God is small" by edward t welch. God has used both of them to remind me of an area He's been growing me in lately; trust.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 cor 13:4-7

I've come to realize and be convicted that I don't "always trust," and the impact it has on my relationship with others as well as my God and King. When I don't trust others as His mandate, I'm actually not trusting Him. To always trust others, is trust Him totally and completely. Coming to this understanding is heart-breaking, do I really not trust Him entirely, and with everything...

Father, heal my broken heart that fails to trust you completely. Route out the deep dark places and expose them in your light of truth. May you teach me to trust you in everything, to lay all my worries at your feet.

The hardest part of these revelations is the practical implications in my day to day life. I'm struggling through what it looks like to "always trust."

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.
micah 6:8 (niv)

afriad of failure

2007-07-08T18:09:00.000-05:00

for so long i've been terrified of failure. father, how many times must i fail, how many attempts before success... will it always be this way?
would you have me run after you only to be broken and disappointed?
would you have me mocked and ridiculed?

would you have me run this race alone...

i've known disappointment so well, i began expecting failure. and when your eyes lose focus on Him, and instead become anxious, you no longer hear the voice whispering... i'm worth any cost, nothing will ever compare.

you give the lies credibility, you justify inaction, you give up the fight.

for 3 years i turned my back on the bride, i wanted nothing to do with her. father, how can this be your bride? selfish, dishonest, and hateful. how can she ever bring light to a dark world?

and for 3 years He revealed, and exposed. you are selfish, you are dishonest, you are hateful, and I LOVE YOU! I came, the righteous for the unrighteous, the spotless for the soiled. I paid the debt you could never pay, I bore the punishment you deserved. I conquered death, so that you may live! Now Live as I lived, Die as I died, and Love as I loved.

what i saw as failure, He saw as discipline... what i saw as broken, He saw as refining... and when I was mocked and ridiculed for His name, He was carrying me.

may He be made more as I am made less, in my success or failure... blessed be His name!!!

1 Timothy 6:11-16 (NIV)
But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which God will bring about in his own time—God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To Him be honor and might forever. Amen.

Gods kingdom or ours?

2007-04-25T05:28:00.000-05:00

Gods kingdom or ours (1 Timothy)

bsm @ quad c preston ridge campus in frisco, tx

thurs, april 19th, 2007 / 12:30pm

God's kingdom or ours?

speaker: drew tufano

http://odeo.com/audio/11233123/view

life worth living

2007-03-06T09:40:00.000-06:00

What are we doing here? Are we just passing time?

Are we looking to future plans to satisfy?

I hear the same things over and over, and often here myself repeating them...

"I can't wait to be done with school," "When I grow up I want to be such and such," "This job is just temporary, I won't be here forever," "I can't wait to be married,", "I'm bored"

There's always going to be something to wait and plan for, and once you attain it... you'll just want something else. Do you think Jesus was ever bored?

This life is a gift, how are we using it (every breath, every moment) to bring Him glory?

James 4:13-17 says this:
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.

Christ and Christ alone will bring the peace, joy, and fulfillment that you and I long for. No amount of success, no amount of money, no amount of friends, no job... they are all meaningless (worthless) compared with Him.

Philippians 3:8
What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.

We were never called to preserve our own lives, or to aspire to the most easy/comfortable existence possible. Instead we are called to DIE, to lose our lives for His names sake. We are called to serve and to love others, even at the cost of our own lives. In return His promise is eternity with Him, and a life (here and now) worth living.

1 Timothy 6:11;19
But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.
...so that you may take hold of the life that is truly life.

hosea and gomer

2007-03-05T14:38:00.000-06:00

Love(Hosea 1&3)

bsm @ quad c spring creek campus in plano, tx

wed, february 28th, 2007 / 12:30pm

the story of hosea

speaker: drew tufano

http://odeo.com/audio/9935493/view

foundations

2007-02-26T15:53:00.000-06:00

I intentionally refrain from responding to these issues "out-of-hand." I think whatever position you hold, you should be able to defend it throughly and biblically. As Paul says in 1 Thes 5:21, test everything - but hold fast to the good.

Drinking, Tattoos, and smoking:

We like to ask the wrong questions. Instead of asking how can I walk more closely, and know Him more fully, we want to know where the line is so we don't cross it. The problem with this reasoning is we lose sight of our purpose. Our purpose is to know Him, and make Him known. (1 Corinthians 10:31) Instead of asking is it permitted, we should be asking how will this bring glory to God, how will this help me to know Him, and make Him known. Based on my understanding of scripture, no where does scripture say these things are sin. BUT scripture gives us some additional qualifiers for all decision making. (1 Cor 6:12, 1 Cor 6:19-20, Romans 14:19-21) Just because something is permissible doesn't make it beneficial. We're called to be good stewards of all our resources which includes our physical bodies, and we should never forget that we are indeed our brothers/sisters keepers.

Role of Women (in ministry):
The reason this topic is so highly controversial is due to a lack of Godly men, in this generation and the last. Our fathers failed us, and we continue to follow their horrible examples. Our generation desperately needs Godly men. We find ourselves surrounded by dysfunction and brokenness. We have a plethora of examples of what not to do, but few to follow. Fathers who've failed their God given mandate to raise up sons and daughters in the way they should go. We're bombarded by extremes, that don't line up with scripture. On the one side we have "men" who use scripture to defend their dis-respect, abuse, and oppression of women. They demand, insult, defame, and destroy. On the other we have "men" who allow women to lead, to teach, and have authority they were never designed to take on. God created us both male and female in His image. Both have equal value in the sight of God, BUT our roles are different. God has laid down boundaries in scripture because He knows what's best for us, more then we do. He knows that living in these boundaries will allow us to experience the Joy and fulfillment that we long for. Men are first called to love, and in that love to lead. Women are first called to love, and in that love submit. BOTH men and women are called and gifted for ministry, but those giftings are to be used in the context of the boundaries laid down in scripture.

1 Timothy 2:9-15 (women shouldn't teach or have authority over men)
1 Corinthians 14:33-35 (women should submit to male leadership and authority)
Titus 2:3-5 (women should teach women)
2 Timothy 1:5 (women should teach children)

I think Matthew Henry sums it up best:
"... the woman was made out of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved."

formed in me

2007-02-15T23:23:00.000-06:00

we're undeserving of any praise, reward, or accolade. we strive after obedience to our King, even at the expense of our own reputation or status. we're learning that leadership in His economy is found in servant hood. we humble ourselves before men for His names sake. we pray to love as He loved, to desire what He desires, and to die as He died.

we're completely awestruck by His incredible provision. we're surrounded by brothers and sisters who bless us in ways we'll never fully comprehend.

and yet how often do we consider ourselves before others, how often do we expect to be compensated for our efforts... He beckons we die to ourselves, knowing He is faithful to take care of all our needs. that we would give out of the overflowing fullness that comes from Him.

may our groans never cease until the day we see Him face to face.

For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.
2 Corinthians 5:4 (NIV)

walk with me

2006-11-10T10:58:00.000-06:00

for a moment of clarity
a brief refrain of beauty
silent awe-struck wonder

being held in your embrace
consoled by your grace

your glimpses of the indescribable
overwhelmed by your majesty

if you could just walk with me
just see what i've seen

tears of joy beyond expression
love beyond comprehension

heartbreaking emotion
joyful sorrow

turned upside down
inside out

dying to live and living to die
loving for loves sake

satisfying purpose
a fulfilling hope

seeking His glorious face and inviting you to walk with me

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.
Acts 20:24 (NIV)

rebuke in love

2006-11-01T15:25:00.000-06:00

why have our perceptions about Jesus become distorted?
are we really seeing the full character of Jesus presented in the bible?

Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, "Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession."

Jesus did not answer a word.

So his disciples came to him and urged him, "Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us."

He answered, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel."

The woman came and knelt before him. "Lord, help me!" she said.

He replied, "It is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs."

"Yes, Lord," she said, "but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table."

Then Jesus answered, "Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted." And her daughter was healed from that very hour.

Matthew 15:21-28

Jesus was rebuking His people (Israel) who thought that Christs love was exclusive and for them alone. He was showing them (his disciples) that His love was inclusive. That true faith, the faith that God longs for; was exhibited by this woman, who understood that apart from Christ she was nothing. Jesus was emphasizing that salvation for Jew and Gentile alike would be found in Him alone, not having anything to do with the family you were born into.

We often struggle to understand that God disciplines His children, and that it's for our benefit.

And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons
Hebrews 12:5-7

That through those trials, we are are being sanctified (refined/molded).

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4

In those times He longs for us to draw near - to step into Him. He reminds us that we are nothing apart from Him, that Christ alone makes us whole.

We try to avoid confrontation, because of the risk of losing that relationship, but Jesus sets a different example.

He calls us to obedience, He calls us to the narrow path. His love for us is so great that we must be rebuked and disciplined, in order for sanctification to occur.

But Jesus doesn't use these to condemn us, but to refine us. He doesn't rebuke or discipline out of anger, but out of love.

We need to learn and understand these characteristics of Jesus, if we are to live as His disciples.

We need to learn to rebuke in love, in order that we may reconcile one to another and not separate one from another.

May we practice Matthew 18:15-17 as Jesus always intended.

"If your brother sins against you,go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

* all scripture quoted is from the NIV translation of the bible

friendship: back to basics

2006-10-24T12:49:00.000-05:00

We've gotten really good at facades, at putting up these masks so people won't see the true us. We're afraid they'll reject us if we're truly vulnerable. Our prejudice is inescapable, as it was wired into us as a measure of protection, but we've perverted it. We've mastered the art of twisting good things, and using them for evil purposes. We've seen phony, we can spot it a mile away. We want honest, raw, and real. We know that only Jesus was perfect, so anything that claims perfection we reject. We're not asking for much, just Genuine people.

How do we break down these false selves?
How do we find what we seek?

Authenticity: inward devotion confirmed by outward appearance

The bible gives us some characteristics of Godly friendships, modeled by Jonathan and David.

Humility and submission (submitting to God by submitting to others, serving one another, putting others interests above our own)
Jonathan was heir to the thrown, and next in line to be king of Israel, but he knew that God had anointed (chosen) David to be the next king. Jonathan was a man after Gods heart, and He saw the same in David. In submitting his thrown, He submitted to Gods will that David should be king.

After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father's house. And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.
1 Samuel 18:1-4

Sacrifice (giving things up for the sake of others)
Jonathan stood by David, even while he was being persecuted, and it cost him dearly. Jonathan risked his life, when He stood by David, even though his father, King Saul, wanted him dead.

Saul's anger flared up at Jonathan and he said to him, "You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don't I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you? As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. Now send and bring him to me, for he must die!" "Why should he be put to death? What has he done?" Jonathan asked his father. But Saul hurled his spear at him to kill him. Then Jonathan knew that his father intended to kill David.
1 Samuel 20:30-33

Love (patient, kind, humble, giving, forgiving, persistent, truthful, hopeful)
Paul defines love for us in his letter to the Corinthians.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-6

This is the same love Jesus lived out, and called us to display.

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
Matthew 22:36-40

Love is the foundation on which everything else rests.

The bible tells us that our sinful nature always looks first to the outward appearance

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7

Since both believers and non-believers judge based upon outward appearance, we need to ensure appearance doesn't become a barrier to developing friendships.

Hygiene (bathing, brushing your teeth, cutting your nails, wearing deodorant)
Do you know where we get the word hygiene? It's derived from the Greek word hygiene which means to be sound, to be in good health. This word is used by Paul in his letter to Titus numerous times.

Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.
Titus 2:2

Physical Health (health, weight, physical appearance)
Gluttony (over-eating) is a sin, self-control is a fruit of the spirit. Your body does not belong to you, it belongs to Christ, honor Him with it.

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined.
Titus 1:8

Although outward appearance doesn't guarantee true inward devotion, it is an indicator. Think of all the Godly men and women you look up to, doesn't their outward appearance match their inward devotion? Jesus often described believes as trees; a healthy tree produces good fruit, but an unhealthy tree produces bad fruit. If you saw a piece of rotten, stinky, decaying fruit, would you eat it?

By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn-bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.
Matthew 7:16-18

Ask yourself these questions...
Will you reflect Christ's love to others?
Will you serve God by serving others?
Will you be a friend like Jonathan?

challenge yourself to be proactive when developing friendships, instead of waiting for someone to call you, try calling them instead, and be persistent. You'd be amazed what can happen when you model Christ's love to others.

* all scripture quoted is from the NIV translation of the bible

step into Him

2006-10-24T00:21:00.000-05:00

Friendship (1 Samuel 18)

bsm @ quad c preston ridge campus in frisco, tx

wed, october 25th, 2006 / 12:30pm

the friendship of Jonathan and David

speaker: drew tufano

http://odeo.com/audio/2218778/view

the good news

2006-10-22T14:30:00.000-05:00

The bible tells us we're born into sin

Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned
Romans 5:12

in other words; we are born broken.
This broken-ness affects our whole world, so the perfect world God created is now fractured (sinful), and full of broken people.

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
Romans 3:23

So in order to reconcile (bring back into order) us to Himself, He sent His son (Jesus). He lived a perfect life, died on a cross, and the shedding of His blood was a propitiation (satisfying Gods justice) for our sin. He then conquered death, and rose again so that we may have new life.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16

God provided the sole means of our salvation, through His son Jesus.

Jesus answered, I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
John 14:6

Jesus offers the free gift of Grace (forgiveness) and Salvation (eternal life) upon placing faith and lordship of your life to Him.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God
Ephesians 2:8

Jesus tells us that once we place our faith in Him, we are spiritually reborn.

Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, You must be born again.
John 3:6-7

We die to our broken (sinful) self, and are made new by the cleansing of His blood. We are also given the holy spirit who comes and dwells with us.

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.
Acts 1:8

Now being new creations (spiritually reborn),

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
2 Corinthians 5:17

we are enabled to live as disciples of Jesus, but we still battle the old nature

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.
Romans 7:21-23

Jesus told us the cost of following, He never promised it would be easy, but He promised it would be worth it.

Then he said to them all: If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.
Luke 9:23

I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.
John 17:14-19

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18

* all scripture quoted is from the NIV translation of the bible

epiphany

2006-10-07T16:49:00.000-05:00

Obedience (James 1:19-27)

bsm @ quad c preston ridge campus in frisco, tx

wed, october 4th, 2006 / 12:30pm

speaker: drew tufano

http://odeo.com/audio/2120526/view

I am not but I know I AM

2006-09-27T08:52:00.000-05:00

Life is full of seasons (seasons of plenty and seasons of want), and as your walk with God grows, so will the steps of faith.

Obedience is painful!!

God will continue to call you to obedience, even in the mist of what seem like impossible circumstances...

Matthew 5:10-12 (NIV)
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Find encouragement in these words, and press on towards the hope that He promises.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you - plans to give you a hope and a future.

Paul struggled with a thorn, which God revealed was from Him for Pauls good.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NIV)
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

He never said it would be easy, but He promised it would be worth it!

James 1:12 (NIV)
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Have you ever heard of Andy Stanley? Listen to his message "power play" here: http://www.northpoint.org/messages

Also, if you have itunes, do a search for the latest podcast from Matt Chandler ( http://www.thevillagechurch.net) ; it's titled Ecclesiastes part 10

exuberance

2006-09-08T08:15:00.000-05:00

what is a rose least it not blossom
what of glorious aroma least it not be smelled
what if sweet chocolate was never tasted

but a breath

what is a sunset least it not to behold
what of quenching water were it not for thirst
what if an embrace was never felt

only a breath

what is a word least it not have meaning
what of harmonious melody were it never heard
what if a glimpse was forgotten

breath: temporary, passing, brief

His call is to life
but it requires death

His call is to life
but it costs everything

painful, difficult, narrow

of JOY INDESCRIBABLE!

even in the small things

2006-08-08T15:18:00.000-05:00

God called you to be faithful, to just follow His lead, and He'd promised to take care of the rest. So your going to this local church event, whose focus is recreation and fellowship. You enjoy all sports, so you gladly participate. Its a summer-long event and you've come every sunday evening. Although the event is held some 45 minutes away from your home, the opportunities for consistent recreation and fellowship are rare. You typically play basketball for about 45 minutes, before playing frisbee for the next hour or so, rest, and then follow it up with one last game of basketball. You know it's uncomfortable to play with keys in your pocket, and so you set them on the same bench every week. You leave everything else in your car; wallet, cell phone, etc. You know in the back of your mind, that if something were to happen to those keys, you'd be in for some major headaches. You realize that certain things are out of your control, and someone stealing your keys at a church event is one of them. Anything out of your control, you give to God. You know that you belong to Him, and therefore everything you have is His to use as He pleases. You know that God wanted you here, and that you are being obedient to His will. Your close friends have already left, and your finishing up your last game of basketball with some people you don't know very well. The game ends and you make your way over to the bench to retrieve your keys. Once you get within eyesight, you don't see your keys. Its gotten dark at this point, and so you just assume you vision is deceiving you. But once you reach the bench, you confirm that they are indeed missing. You first thought is that someone must have accidentally knocked them off the bench, so you start searching the ground below. Your still unable to locate them, so you double check to make sure you didn't set them on another bench for some unknown reason. You remember that every week you leave them in the exact same spot, for the sole purpose of not having to remember where you left them last. You check the other bench anyways, and the only keys you see there don't belong to you. You start to worry. You ask yourself who would steal your keys at a church event. You remember that all your other belongings are locked in your car. If you don't find your keys, you are in for a world of hurt. Your wallet (with all your money) and identification is locked in the car. You have no means to communicate with anyone because your cell phone is with your wallet, and the church has already been locked up for the evening. All your close friends have already left. Your closest family is 1500 miles away. You run out to the parking lot to make sure your car is still there, which it is. Right before your thoughts and worry overcome you, you stop. You remember who you belong to, and remember why you are here. You ask God for help. You regain your composure and begin thinking more clearly. You look up and notice one of your friends hasn't left yet, and is still chatting with a few other people. You walk over and tell him you can't find your keys and ask him to help you search. He begins to double check areas you've already searched, but is also coming up empty. He begins asking the remaining people if they'd found any keys. Right in the middle of this, someone runs up and calls out, "is anyone looking for some keys?" You assume this person is talking about the keys you'd already confirmed didn't belong to you (that were laying on the other bench), but your friend responds to the guy and motions him over. He holds up the keys, and sure enough they're yours. You breath a deep sigh of relief and then ask where he found them. He responds with the following: we'll I always leave my stuff on the bench, and just pick it all up and stuff it in my pockets before I leave. Once I get home, I pull the stuff out of my pockets and lay it atop the counter, and go about my business. Eventually I come back to get my wallet, and I notice another set of keys, that aren't my own. I live with roommates, so it wouldn't be completely impossible that the keys belonged to one of them, but I was sitting nearby the entire time, and didn't see anyone walk by me since I had returned home. It was then that I realized I must have inadvertently picked them up with my own stuff off the bench at church. So I got in my car and drove over, to see if there owner was still here, even though that was almost an hour ago. He profusely apologizes for the mistake, and you tell him it's no big deal. Your just relieved to have your keys back. Both you and your friend realize that you only noticed your keys were missing some 5 minutes ago, and had you decided to leave any sooner things might not have worked out so well. Your once again reminded who you belong to, who is in control, and to He whom has been faithful... even in the small things.

Matthew 6:31-34 (NIV)
So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

when we ask, and He answers

2006-08-05T14:08:00.000-05:00

We crawl, we walk, we run, we stumble, we fall, but faith keeps us moving forward – no matter the pace.

It’s hard sometimes to realize He loves us right where we’re at. That although he’s promised us something we could never imagine, He has a purpose for us in this moment. That He gives His grace and mercy unceasingly. That He produces Joy in sorrow. He provides peace in worry, and strength in weakness. He gives the foolish wisdom, and coward courage. That He is for our good more then we could ever be.

We struggle with patience. The world tells us today, right now, right this second, but His timing is PERFECT. He knows exactly where we need to be, and all He asks is for us to follow. He promises a purpose, even when we don’t see or understand it. We struggle with obedience. He shows us that sin only brings temporary pleasure. He reminds us that no amount of food, money, relationships, jobs, or stuff could ever satisfy us. That in serving His purpose we’ll find a joy indescribable.

He wants to communicate with us, and we’ve gotten really good at speaking to Him or should I say at him. We pray, sure, but are we really communicating with Him? Are we listening for His response, His answer?

Discipline is only worthwhile as it enables you to be used by God, when it becomes the end; it becomes an idol unto itself. When you speak to Him, wait on Him, and listen. We’ve become a leery people who expect everything to be clear and concise, or we write it off as phony and false. Let us open ourselves to His word (the Bible), and let us be lead by the Spirit.

So when we finally start listen, there’ll come a time when He answers. You’ll begin to find that the answer isn’t always what you wanted. He calls us to be faithful and obey. Although you may never fully know or understand the purpose, He’ll give you glimpses.

James reminds us that Jesus never said it would be easy, but it would definitely be worth it.

James 1:12 (NIV)
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Grandma

2006-07-21T10:30:00.000-05:00

If words could only describe...
times of laughter, times of tears
times of joy, times of sorrow

If words could only describe...
ties that bind
space that separates

If words could only describe...
times together
times apart

I guess we'll have to settle for I Love you.

the book that James wrote

2006-07-14T23:56:00.000-05:00

James in context

We can’t understand James without taking the whole of scripture into consideration. James message is to believers. He expects us to understand that we are JUSTIFIED (saved by Grace from God, through faith in Jesus Christ) He is not contradicting this truth, but expanding on it. James is speaking to SANCTIFICATION (being made in His image). As believers we are called to be disciples of Jesus, here and now. Salvation is not just the hope of heaven upon earthly death, but also an expectation of renewal now.

The book of James

James was written in or around 48 AD and is believed to be one of the earliest letters. He was a half-brother of Jesus. James Ministry didn’t begin until Jesus appeared to him after the resurrection. James became a leader of Jesus ministry in Jerusalem. His letter was written to Jewish Christians throughout the world. The apostle Paul wrote very formal letters, while James letters could be described as emails. They assume previous knowledge and understanding of scripture, and are poignant. The underlying message of James is faith without action is not true faith.

James 1:2 - 16 (Trials and temptations)

NIV translation and my paraphrase

2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
Be encouraged my friends when you face difficult circumstances, for by it you are being trained, and this training produces endurance.

4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
The endurance attained will allow you to grow spiritually becoming mature and complete.

5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
If you need wisdom, ask God for it. He willingly gives without prejudice.

6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.When you ask, believe it will be given.
The man that comes before God with doubts is the type that is easily swayed. He doesn’t trust God with everything. That mans assurance rests in things apart from God.

9The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. 10But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 11For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.
If you are poor, rejoice in your blessing. If you are rich, be dismayed, for it will pass. Just as the blossom of a rose withers, so will your wealth.

12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
Blessed are those who preserve in difficult circumstances, for when you have stood firm, your reward is a life filled with purpose and meaning.

13When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God does not tempt you to sin. You sin when you hide from His presence and give into your own evil desires. Return to Gods presence least you fall into temptation, which leads to sin, and a lifestyle of sin leads to destruction.

16Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. 17Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
Don’t let the devil deceive you my friends, everything that is good and perfect is from God. God is, was, and will always be, and He reigns over all creation.

18He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.
We have been renewed by the truth (His word), so that we could be set apart for His purposes.

Questions:
6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
Isn’t this redundant? If this letter is addressed to “believers,” isn’t believing a prerequisite?
1) Why did James have to reiterate this point? James says this type of man “should not” think he would receive anything, does that mean he still would, even despite his doubt? What is the purpose of these three verses? What type of person are they directed toward?

9The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. 10But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 11For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.
2) Does verse 9 refer to someone with few material possessions? How do you take pride in or rejoice in your low position? Is verse 10 referring to someone with material wealth? Are these verses saying that a true believer should not be wealthy? What does it mean he’ll fade away while he goes about his business?

12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
3) Is the crown of life a heavenly treasure? Is it just another way of saying eternity with God?

18He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.
4) What does this mean? How were we giving birth through the word of truth, and what does firstfruits refer to?

Answers:
1) James is addressing those who have accepted the good news, but haven’t allowed God to take total control of them. They’ve put God in a box, and only allow Him control over certain parts of their lives. They are “double-minded” not trusting God with everything. They maintain their own will and God’s will and choose as it suits them.

2) James is saying our focus shouldn’t be on the things of the world that are temporary and pass away, but our focus should be on things that are eternal. The material things just distract us. They ensnare us and prevent us from fully giving our lives over to him. Jesus tells us in Matthew 19:24 that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle then it is for a rich man to enter heaven.

3) The Romans of this time gave different types of crowns as rewards for races, service, etc. James knew the people he was addressing understood that, and encourages fellow believers with the reward for persevering in trials. The crown of life represents a life filled with meaning and purpose.

4) The word of God is the Good news or the truth. The word renews us, and is part of our process of sanctification (becoming like Jesus). God has called us to be set apart (firstfruits) for His purpose.

24 hours with Jesus

2006-07-08T23:13:00.000-05:00

Friday (July 7th 2006)
Awoke at 10am
10:30am checked email
11:00am Showered
11:30am Ate breakfast (Bowl of multi-grain cereal with 2% milk, 1 banana, 2 pieces of whole wheat bread with some real butter, cup of orange juice – simply orange)
11:45am Went to borders bookstore, started reading the great omission by Dallas Willard chapters 1-5, went to Barnes and noble and read the introduction to the divine conspiracy by Dallas Willard
2:00pm collected some of my dvd collection which I felt God calling me to be rid of, and sold them to Half Price books.
Worked 3pm-10pm
5:45pm had a harvest salad from cotton patch (chicken, walnuts, apples, balsamic vinaigrette and 2 pieces of cornbread) was really good, but expensive $8.75
10:35pm Checked myspace, email, facebook
11:30pm – 1am Read Not even a hint by Josh Harris the rest of the evening before falling asleep, got through about 50% of the book.

Saturday (July 8th 2006)
Awoke at 8:30am
8:35am Checked email, myspace, facebook
9:30am Showered
10:00am Ate breakfast (Bowl of multi-grain cereal with 2% milk, 1 banana, 2 pieces of whole wheat bread with some real butter, cup of orange juice – simply orange)
11:00am Went to Barnes and noble and read through 90% of the great omission by Dallas Willard
3:00pm Worked on my study of the book of James
5:30pm Walked to the local middle school and shot hoops
7:30pm Did some general internet research, college ministries, past churches websites, Christian music
10:00pm - 1:30am read through 90% of Josh Harris book Not even a hint

The more I come into His presence the more He asks of me. It seems he’s not content with just a portion, but wants it all. I say to Him, you have me Lord, but now what do you want me to do?

If I give up TV, and I give up food, and I give up friends, and I give up my possessions, and I give up money, what now?

I’m driven to dive deeper into His word. I’m driven to rethink how I live my life daily. I’m driven to know Him. I’m reading every resource I can get my hands on.

I’m not saying it’s been easy, as a matter of fact it’s been painful. He gives me the strength to endure. He’s promised me something so much better.

Have you ever been hungry? Not just for food, but really HUNGRY? It’s a desire that’s hard to explain because it overcomes and engulfs you.

I want to walk the path Jesus walked, and I realize it’s not well traveled. I realize I want something I could never attain of my own power. I long for it, I crave it, I desire it, I’m consumed by it. It’s only by His power that I can follow. He’s whispered in my ear to STOP, to stop doubting, to just FOLLOW HIM. He’s shown me I’m not always going to understand, it’s not always going to be easy, but that if I go where he leads, he’ll take care of the rest.

Isn’t it funny how the light exposes the darkness? The more exposed I become the more areas he shows me that need His healing. I can’t resist His calling, He’s more for my good then I am. He knows what I need more then I do. His love is like no other.

LORD, I’m crying out to you! The tears streaming down my face are of Joy indescribable. The pain pales in comparison to the healing. I’m being sanctified by you, in hope of the day when I’ll be glorified and see you face to face.

clarity

2006-07-04T01:20:00.000-05:00

can you see??
can you see me?
can you see what I see?

I see what could be; beauty
I see what HE longs for; truth
I see a glimpse of His image, of His touch, of His presence

of Grace
of Mercy
of LOVE

I see JOY that overflows, I see PEACE that sustains, I see LIFE

LOVE that overwhelms, that transforms, that radiates

maybe if you could FATHOM the incredible story that lays before you

maybe if you could ENDURE the trials and tribulations for what will be brief moments

maybe if you could see, could see for just a moment, what HE sees

then you'd see me
the one He created, the one He loves, the one He sustains

but seen or unseen, i am His

ode to passion

2006-06-27T00:59:00.000-05:00

look in the mirror
LOOK!

do I see what HE sees?
do I REALLY see what HE sees in ME?

how could I ever truly understand?
He says His love, His love is everything

He says to lose myself, to forget, to die
He says my life is His, I belong to Him

STOP doubting, STOP holdingback, STOP!!

I'm right here, WILL YOU FOLLOW ME?

will you LISTEN? LISTEN to my voice.

LOVE as I loved, LIVE as I lived, DIE as I died.

moments of sanity

2006-06-26T00:17:00.000-05:00

in the mist of confusion
in the deeps of frustration
in the outbursts of emotion

times of insanity
times of clarity
times of reasoning

some will admit to being imperfect
some will admit to being sinners
some will strive for improvement

others are prideful
others are selfish
others are unaware

we walk in delusion
we blame others
we hold it all in

He calls us to LOVE
He calls us to FORGIVE
He calls us to FOLLOW

The Lord He is, The Lord He was, The Lord He'll always be
He gives us what we don't deserve, He offers LIFE

and yet unknown

2006-06-21T02:36:00.000-05:00

The weather of summer seems ever-changing
Some things need re-arranging

Some things will never change
While others float away

Away they go
But never forgotten

Will it always be that way?
I guess, I just can’t say.

speaking without a voice

2006-06-19T02:18:00.000-05:00

When you know that God has given you a gift, you cherish it as a blessing. You use it as He wills, and follow His calling.

When you finally stop fighting for control, let go, and follow.. He allows you to be used for His pleasure, and it will blow your mind. It is not you doing these great works, but that you are the vessel He is using. You must remember to whom you belong. You are His, everything you have and everything you are.

Many calls to ministry involve your voice. God uses you to speak His truth. God allows you to say the right words at the right time.

James 1:19 (NIV)
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak

But what happens if you lose your voice?

God often uses adversity to draw us closer to Him. If we cant speak, we're forced to LISTEN. In our haste to speak, we sometimes fail to truly listen.

As James points out, unless we learn to listen.. we'll be unable to speak truth.

Your voice is so easy to take for granted. You open your mouth and words come out. Try going a day without out speaking a single word, and learn what it means to LISTEN.

my testimony

2006-05-31T09:30:00.000-05:00

During my high school years, my growth in the Lord felt stagnant. Since the day I’d accepted Christ when I was 7, I’d been “active” in my faith. I attended church every Sunday, went on mission trips, tithed 10%, and was actively involved in the church. It seemed the list I had created in what it meant to be a “Good Christian” was getting shorter, but my relationship with God wasn’t getting stronger. I sought counsel from other “Christians”, who suggested that I wasn’t reading the bible enough, or that I should become “more” involved. So I did, and the emptiness remained. It seemed that no one with whom I “fellowshipped” at church could understand my feelings. I struggled to understand if my feelings were from the devil, using them to separate me from God, or if it was Jesus refining me in the fire.

James 1:2-3
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

God revealed to me that the people with whom I “fellowshipped” were not true believers, but posers. They could talk the talk, but they didn’t walk the walk.

Matthew 7:15-23
"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them. "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!

Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

I struggled with this realization, as how could people who professed Christ with their mouths, not live it by their actions.

Romans 7:7-25
What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "Do not covet.” But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death. For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful. We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

God showed me that we are bound to sin, except through His son Jesus. In order to live a fulfilled life, I needed to fully submit to His will. It wasn’t necessary for me to fully understand it at all times, just to have faith.

Matthew 7:7-8
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Now looking back, although God had begun a good work in me, I hadn’t fully understood what God had revealed. I was going to church and seeking true “fellowship” for the wrong reasons. It’s not that they weren’t healthy pursuits, they were, but God wanted to fulfill me in a deeper way. While in high school, I began experiencing loneliness, because during that time in my life, my parents abandoned me. I’d used them up till that point to fill a void; I wasn’t ready to submit to God. When the void became unoccupied, I rushed to fill it of my own will. I thought that my loneliness could only be filled by “healthy” relationships with true believers. God was actually showing me that no human relationship could ever truly fulfill me, and that only in His son Jesus could I find unconditional acceptance. In following my own will, I continued to be disappointed and rejected. I tried to fill my loneliness with food, hobbies, work, sports, friends, and relationships; all of which offered only temporary relief. I started blaming my church, which wasn’t building up believers for Gods glory, but making a mockery of Christianity. In this I became jaded, I couldn’t understand why God would want me involved in church if it was fostering posers. I wasn’t even sure if I was okay being called a “Christian,” as the word had become so diluted in my mind. If the posers called themselves “Christians,” how could I use the same word to describe my faith in action? I was letting Satan deceive me into making these conclusions. God knew my heart, he knew of my struggle, and his love endured. I adopted the belief that church was like school, which establishes your foundation and teaches you the basics. You progress through the different grades, and then graduate. Upon which time you take what you’ve learned and live it. I felt God was showing me it was time to graduate and live it.

Galatians 5:16-18
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.

At the time, I misconstrued the last sentence of this passage to mean I no longer needed to attend church. I had taken the verse out of its appropriate context in Jesus. The law was holy, but by it we as sinners were condemned to death. Jesus came so that we may live in the law, and not be condemned by it. That doesn’t mean we’re free to do as we please, but that in falling short, we are cleansed by Jesus blood. After leaving my church, I began to live out what it meant to follow Christ. I began developing the philosophy on which my entire existence would be based.

Luke 5:10-11
Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men." So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.

Luke 9:57-62
As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." He said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good bye to my family." Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

I struggled with the idea of giving “everything” to Jesus. Could I leave everything and everyone to follow Him? God was showing me that my own will would never truly fulfill me. That in following Him, He would be faithful and provide. I would relinquish my own will for His. I would redefine what success looked like in my life. My mission; that in everything I do, let it be to His glory. I would live out my faith in action. I prayed for the strength to endure, and the wisdom to persevere. I’ve been growing in that commitment ever since.

Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Looking back over these last few years, I can clearly see how God has molded and refined me in ways I could never have imagined. In testing my faith, he called me to Texas. This calling started years earlier, when I wasn’t ready to listen. I remember looking through a geography book in high school, and trying to determine where I would most enjoy living based on climate. Upon completing this research, I’d decided on someplace in Canada. I’d also decided that the place I’d never live (because of climate) was Texas. Years later, while researching the top companies to work for in the computer industry my research led me to San Francisco, CA or Dallas, TX. Remembering my previous climate research, I recalled that San Francisco met many of my climate requirements, and would suit me nicely. Years went by, and He called once more, but this time I was listening. I was enjoying the job He’d provided for me, and was looking for advancement opportunities in the company. I came across one that fit me perfectly, but it was in Dallas, TX. God was revealing His will, and calling me to take action. I had to get my bosses approval before I could submit the application, so I asked him the following day. To my surprise he was fully supportive and had no problem endorsing my application. I began researching the area, and looking for places to live. I searched through online classifieds for the area, and found a few prospects. I’d traveled in or through almost every US state, but I’d never been to Texas. God was showing me His will, but He’d also given me common sense. He’d taught me many years earlier that you don’t make any decision without time and objective consideration. I was able to get a week off work while I drove to Texas alone, and interviewed the prospective roommates. I knew immediately, upon arrival, that it was where God wanted me. I visited the local division and spoke with a supervisor about openings. He informed me they were always looking for good people, and he would happily endorse my transfer. In this started a chain of events that can only be credited to God. In following His will, He began meeting every need. After sharing the decision with my mom and step dad, they voluntarily offered financial support. Upon returning from my trip, I was asked to interview for the promotion. I found a place to live, a huge house, in an awesome neighborhood. I’d also been blessed with a roommate who had made the same transition from California to Texas 12 years earlier. In this God revealed his faithfulness. God had provided me what I thought was the job of my dreams; working full time, getting paid to do what I loved, and making good money. 6 months passed, and God began testing my faith; He began showing me how my job was tearing me down, and not building me up. He was calling me to stand for the truth, and if necessary sacrifice my job. I struggled to understand His will, but He told me to be faithful, and He would provide. He reminded me that I was His, and my purpose was to bring Him glory. I submitted to Him, and He led me to my current employer. His faithfulness endures, as He provides for all my needs.

John 6:35
Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.

I came to understand the true nature of church, and why it is so valuable to God. It’s no longer what I can get from it, but what I can give to it.

Romans 12:3-8
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

In exercising my freedom in Jesus (by not attending church regularly), I’d caused others to stumble, and in so doing fallen short of His will.

Deuteronomy 5:12
"Observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy, as the LORD your God has commanded you.

1 Corinthians 8:9,11-13
"Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak. So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall."

1 Corinthians 10:31-33 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved."

I came to recognize my spiritual gifts, two of which are leadership and discernment. He has been calling me to use them for His glory, but I’d allowed the devil to deceive me. I’d allowed his lies to prevent me from sharing my testimony on account of my imperfection. God wants to work through me for His glory, and I will follow by faith. For if my God is for me, who can stand against me?

Romans 8:31
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?

Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Matthew 5:10-11
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Matthew 5:14-16
"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

In this, I seek His Glory, and In Him I seek wisdom.

* all scripture quoted is from the NIV translation of the bible

prelude to dating

2006-05-18T14:44:00.000-05:00

The foundation on which I base my philosophy, without which no relationship can ever succeed.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Matthew 6:33 (NIV)

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31 (NIV)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)

Dating – getting to know an individual of the opposite sex with whom your pursuing a relationship that will ultimately culminate in marriage. 1st-3rd dates don’t qualify as dating.

1st Date – a meeting between one member of each sex to get to know one another better. Think of it like job interview. The first interview is used as a filter, to determine if you meet the qualifications to proceed to the 2nd interview. The same applies to the 1st date, your seeking answers to important questions, that will determine weather or not to proceed to a 2nd date. A first date has no strings attached, meaning only one side has to have interest at this point. You could technically go out with anyone on a first date, but again thinking of it like a job interview, even before a first interview, they usually use some method of filtering. The objectives of the 1st date are to have fun, really get to know the other person, and enjoy each others company. The 1st date requires two things: quality time, and quantity time. What is quality time? Quality time is when your in a setting that allows you to communicate openly and freely. Good examples: a coffee shop, or a restaurant. Poor examples: a movie theater, your house or her house, a concert. You want the setting to be in a public environment, and one that promotes conversation. You should both know the location, and drive separately. You should both feel comfortable and if things get weird, you have an easy way out. What is quantity time? The date should last a minimum of two hours, if you can’t set aside that amount of time, then schedule the date for another day. If your openly conversing, then it’ll take time to get through all the topics you should be discussing to really get to know the person, and meet the objective of determining if you should proceed to a 2nd date. There should be no physical contact of any sort on a first date, so as not to send confusing signals. The goal of the 1st date is to be open and honest.

2nd Date – just like the 2nd job interview, you still don’t have the job. There are no strings attached, and after it is over neither party is obligated to proceed. Again using the Job interview analogy, if you’ve made it to the 2nd interview, both parties now have interest. Unlike a 1st date, both people should now have an interest in possibly pursing a relationship with the other person. There should be no 2nd date if this is not the case. The goal is to be open and honest, if you accept a 2nd date, but have no interest, you are not following those guidelines. The 2nd date should be more creative, and show another side of your personality that may not have come out in the first date setting. Good examples: going grocery shopping together, running errands together, baking cookies, etc. Poor examples: doing the same activity as the 1st date, movie theater, concert, etc. Again the objective of the 1st date is very similar to the 2nd but the setting is more relaxed, and shows a new side of your personality. The 1st and 2nd dates should be setup, arranged, and paid for by the guy. The 2nd date should also meet the two requirements of Quality and Quantity time. The goal of the 2nd date is to determine if you should proceed with a 3rd date.

3rd Date – in a job interview, the 3rd interview is the final interview. At the end of the interview, the employer will either offer you a job, or kindly communicate that you’re not what they’re looking for. The goal of the 3rd date is to make a final decision to purse a dating relationship with this person. Again, if we’re using the job interview analogy, even once your offered the job, you can still later be fired or quit. This works the same for relationships. Yes, by the end of the 3rd date you are making a commitment, just as you are on a 3rd interview if offered the job. The commitment your making though is exclusivity. Just like when you accept a job, your committing to coming to work everyday, and giving it your best effort, so to with a dating relationship. You can go out on 1st and 2nd dates with as many people as you’d like, but as soon as you get to a 3rd date with one of those persons, it’s decision time. The 3rd date should be arranged by the girl. She should pick the setting, and she should follow the same guidelines as a 2nd date.

There should also be a minimum of 2 -3 days between each date. This allows you time to pray and reflect, and seek wise counsel. It can be longer, but no less.

of joy

2006-05-17T02:59:00.000-05:00

spoken words
nonverbal gestures
physical touch
overwhelming scents
visual recognition

i laugh, i cry
tears stream down my face, as His joy overwhelms me

my thoughts are of things unseen, my hope for stories untold

in a glimpse of the everlasting

my blessings overflowing, my passion never-ending

in Him, nothing is impossible
in Him, adventure redefined
in Him, eternally fulfilled

my journey has just begun

whole again

2006-05-14T08:45:00.000-05:00

beautiful?
compassionate?
loyal?

can you tell the truth from a lie

why must you make excuses
why must you set the stage
why must you play the game

i was consistent
i was honest
i was upfront

i played no games
i asked for the same

it seemed so surreal, unexplained
excitement, joy, encouragement

but you set the stage for failure
you stopped it before it began

you played for keeps

you took a piece of me, you could have had the whole.
you took a chunk of me, the wounds you made were deep.

i ask myself this question
was it worth the pain, the suffering, the sorrow.

He said it was, He said He was molding me, He said He'd make me whole.
He is beautiful beyond words.
His compassion never ends
He defines loyalty.

The Passing Time

2006-05-12T23:25:00.000-05:00

I wrote the following poem a couple years back:

As I look around and see the many things that follow me
I contemplate my mistakes and dreams I hope about someday
The time gone by, opportunities missed, feelings held back
The hurt, the pain, understood and yet held in
The wishing of just to go back and change the past
And then realizing how I’ve learned from these things
The effects they’ve had, good and bad

The Time it passes by...

As I grow and come to understand the things I never knew
My joys, my talents, my self
It leaves me wondering, who to be, which way to turn
How do I cope with such decisions and then it comes
The great wall to climb, each step higher then the one before it, always growing…
LIFE, The continuous struggle
But I must not give up
I must overcome such challenges

The Time it continues on...

Now at the peak of my struggles, a burden lifted, self-confidence restored
I remember who’s within me, my inner strength
It’s my Lord Jesus
When I am down, I look to Him
when life’s too hard, I cling to him
When it looks like all is lost, he lifts my head
He is what makes me, me

The Time it steadily continues...

The wisdom shown gives me my joy and happiness
My knowledge is of right and wrong
He shows me how to live, how to survive the hardships of life
He stands by me in my endeavors; He is my light in darkness

I will survive, and Time will go on and on...

His will?

2006-05-08T02:12:00.000-05:00

So how do we know it's His will and not our own?
Where is the line between being led by the spirit and justifying outlandish behavior?
Are we making excuses for why we disobey His calling?

There is a healthy way to be lead by the spirit, and still qualify it in the truth (the word of God)

First we must study and know the truth (the word of God - the Bible)
Second we must listen to the holy spirit who dwells within us
Third we must pray for wisdom and guidance
Fourth we must seek wise counsel
Fifth seek confirmation through circumstance

If we study the word of God, the truth will be ingrained in our beings. When we accepted Jesus as Savior, the Holy Spirit was given to us to dwell within us, to guide us. We are called to pray without ceasing, to commune with God. We are to seek wise counsel, people we trust, wise persons whom God has placed in our lives. Are the events that take place in our lives, just coincidence, or is it God at work.

We must utilize the tools He's provided us, and lean on Him. The closer we grow in our relationship to Him, the process becomes second nature.

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free
John 8:32 (NIV)

prayer and praise

2006-05-07T00:19:00.000-05:00

When one door shuts, another opens.

God brings people into our lives for a reason. We may not fully understand the reason at the present, but He calls us to persevere and have faith.

During those times we feel totally alone, abandoned, and deserted. When we cried out in sorrow, and asked why. When we questioned why we were even born. When all seemed lost. He was carrying us in His arms, wiping away our tears, and whispering "I am with you, your going to be okay, trust in Me." In looking back at those times Gods love seems obvious, but in that moment all He required from us was faith.

We go through seasons of life. In each season we are challenged, and grow in new and wonderful ways. His will for our lives is greater then anything we could ever imagine, and will give us eternal fulfillment.

God has forced me to rewrite my definition of success. I'd once considered success to be a college degree, and a sixty thousand dollar a year salary. I'd pray for the success of my own plans. I'd pray for the material possessions I thought I deserved. I'd pray for a girlfriend, like all my friends had.

God revealed His definition of success.
1 Corinthians 10:31 (NIV)
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

My definition of success wasn't based on my God given purpose; to bring Him glory. Even if I'd accomplished all the things I called success, I'd still feel empty. His will is the only one that would give me everlasting Joy and fulfillment.

I finally understood what it meant to "lose my life, to find it"
Matthew 10:39 (NIV)
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

I continue to grow in this understanding, and commitment. I pray for the strength to persevere, the wisdom to understand, and the courage to follow.

Are you ready for a God written love story?

wounds reopened

2006-05-03T00:15:00.000-05:00

when will the pain subside

I cry out to the one who is greater
I long for delieverance
for answers

God, why!

why this time, why this pain, why these questions

Tears unspilled, fears unspoken, sorrow unending

my God I love thee, I cry out for your wisdom

I cry out for understanding, for patience, for courage

you call me to be faithful, and I long for your will
you call me to surrender, and I fall at your feet

search me o God and know my hearts desire
let truth be my guide
may it set me free

Taking back sunday

2006-04-30T14:49:00.000-05:00

You never really know how much you value something until it's taken away. God offers us blessings, but we must accept them, take them. If we don't they are wasted, and sometimes lost.

I had sundays off for so long, and I'd wasted them. God has been calling me to take sundays back. He wasn't saying I was bound by the law, but that by living in Him, I could follow it.

Today, I took them back.

Instead of being deceptive, I was honest and up front, and God provided.

I'm beginning to realize not to ignore Gods direction. Although the path is sometimes painful, His purpose will eventually be revealed if I'm faithful. In following Him, I'm gaining the wisdom I've been praying for.

Although the war has only begun, I press on focused on eternity with Him.

the price

2006-04-27T10:14:00.000-05:00

"but i'm not going to lie to you, it'll cost you everything to follow him" - John L Cooper (skillet)

He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.
Matthew 10:39 (NASB)

Are you willing to give up everything to follow Him? I'd ask myself this question regularly. It was so easy to say, but could I truly live it?

Could I give everything to Him? My health, my family, my friends, my possesions, my job, my money; my life?

My definition of success would never fufill me, and would only offer me temporary happiness. My own pursuits left me empty and disappointed.

He took me in His arms, broken, and restored me. In Him, nothing was impossible. In losing my life, I would gain it.

I began to understand that His will was greater then anything I could every imagine, and would completely fufill me. That He was with me, and through Him I could stand against any enemy. In His strength I could find courage. In His love, I could be made whole.

Although the price is your life, the reward is eternity with Him.

What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?
Matthew 16:26 (NIV)

learning to love

2006-04-23T00:48:00.000-05:00

that which is untold, that which is untasted
that which sustains, that which prolongs

sought and yet unclaimed
unsure and yet content

that which is known, that which perishes
that which is fallable, that which destroys

whose will, his or my own
whose cause do I seek
the path he leads

why, why, why
i ask, i cry, i pray

i question that which is unclear
i live with no regrets, and yet i come to him broken

in him,
rest, peace, shelter

in him,
my purpose

temptation, percecution, deception
belong to the father of lies

my flesh is weak, it longs for satisfaction
it begs to be fed

but my flaws speak of his glory, my condition of his mercy

he is greater then. he is

pay attention

2006-04-10T16:48:00.000-05:00

"Ohh my gosh, you scared me!" "I didn't realize you were there.."

Sound familiar?

I'm often thankful that a fruit of the spirit is "self-control."

I hear this from my roomate ALL THE TIME, and it's extremely frustrating. Hello, I live here! This isn't news to you! How about this, EXPECT me to be there when you turn around, and guess what, you won't be surprised. I've also had this happen to me while shopping. WAKE UP people, if your ever at a store, be assured that your NOT ALONE!

For the record, i've never once been "scared" by someone walking up to me. Why? you ask.. Why would you be alarmed by someone walking up to you, when you "expect" someone to be there. In other words, unless your at home on the toliet, with the door locked, ALWAYS expect someone to be behind you, or around the corner, it's just common sense. You live in a world with OTHER PEOPLE. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

There are two kinds of people, the kind (like me) who realize we're not the center of the universe, and it doesn't revolve around us, and those that believe they are. If you believe your the center of the universe, then you believe everyone should be acting in a manner which suits you. That's why when you turn around and exclaim "OHH, you scared me!," your really saying, all space belongs to me, and you didn't get my permission to be there.

This response stems from pride. Pride is thinking oneself superior to all others, and it is displayed by our actions. Pride leads to destruction. (Proverbs 16:18)

In the bible, Jesus tells us that unless we come before Him with humility (willing to submit ourselves to Him) we will never enter heaven (Matthew 18:2-4)

In humbling ourselves before men, we will inherit eternal life. (Matthew 19:16-30)

Jesus tells us that in serving one another, we serve Him. (Matthew 25:31-46)

Jesus washed his diciples feet, even the man who would betray Him (Judas). He gave us the perfect example of serving in humility. (John 13:12-17)

This is just one example of how pride is the path toward destruction. Pride is one of the many deceptions the devil uses to lead us astray. When we stop leaning on our own understanding, and humble ourselves before God, He will work in us, and make us whole.

"Just as cars where made to run on gas, so we as mankind were made to run on Him." - CS Lewis

biblical view of homosexuality

2006-04-05T15:35:00.000-05:00

Are you born homosexual? Did God make you that way? Can a “Christian,” be homosexual?

The answer to these three questions is NO. You are born into the sin nature, but your also born with the knowledge of good and evil.

Genesis 3:22
And the LORD God said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever."

God gives you “free will,” to choose Him or reject Him.

Revelation 3:20
Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.

When you choose to accept Jesus, you are no longer controlled by the sin nature.

Romans 8:5-17
Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you. Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

If one of your weaknesses is homosexual “feelings,” then you must give it to Jesus to heal. The first part of being healed is recognizing the truth.

John 8:32
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

Jesus gave us a way to distinguish the truth. True believers are distinguished by how they act, and speak.

Matthew 7:16-18
By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.

What is good and bad "fruit?"

Galatians 5:16-26
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

God also gives you the tools you need to fulfill His calling.

Ephesians 6:13-18
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Jesus tells us NO ONE is perfect and without sin, and ALL fall short of Gods glory. Thus without Him we are condemned, but through him we are saved.

John 14:6
Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Romans 3:21-26
But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.

Sin is not of God but of Satan, for in God nothing but good dwells.

James 1:17
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

Evil desires are of the devil, and he uses them to tempt us away from what is good and right. God allows temptation in order to mold us, but promises to never give us more then we can each personally handle.

James 1:2-3
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

God calls us to admonish our fellow believers in Christ; first in private, then with friends, and finally in front of the entire fellowship. If they choose to continue living a sinful lifestyle, we are to expel them from the fellowship.

Matthew 18:15-17
"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Many times this passage is misconstrued to mean we are to reject the person entirely. God gives us this instruction in addition to the rest of scripture. We are still called to LOVE the person, but detest the sinful acts. It’s about setting up healthy boundaries, just as God does for us. He LOVES all His creation, but can’t dwell with them in sin. He sent His son, whose blood cleanses us and purifies us in order that His spirit can live in us.

Matthew 13:36-43
Then he left the crowd and went into the house. His disciples came to him and said, "Explain to us the parable of the weeds in the field." He answered, "The one who sowed the good seed is the Son of Man. The field is the world, and the good seed stands for the sons of the kingdom. The weeds are the sons of the evil one, and the enemy who sows them is the devil. The harvest is the end of the age, and the harvesters are angels. "As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age. The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. They will throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. He who has ears, let him hear.

Homosexuality also goes against how God created us. He created Man and Woman to come together to form “one flesh.”

Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Biologically we can only reproduce with the opposite sex, which speaks to Gods design.

Romans 1:26-27
Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

Jesus reminds us in the New Testament that we’re all adulterers, murders, thieves, and liars. We’re all born into the sin nature, we all fall short of Gods glory, and there is nothing we can DO to save ourselves. But if you profess to have accepted Jesus as your savior, and are living through Him, your actions or “fruit,” will show it. Each of us have our own strengths and weaknesses, but no sin is greater then any other in Gods eyes.

"the unexamined life is not worth living" -Socrates

Sorrow

2006-03-25T08:46:00.000-06:00

I willingly submit to you, I surrender my dagger, and expose my most vulnerable region. The decision is thus, to either strike deeply and destroy or surrender you dagger unto me so that I may ponder the same. I give the outcome to God, whom if struck, will heal the wound no matter how severe. Upon being struck, you notice it not for the shock of the blow. As it settles, you realize how deep it goes; you can barely breath, you go numb, you collapse. You long for death but it escapes you, for God has spared your life. As you lay bleeding, the tears stream down your face, and God holds you in his arms. For pain and suffering is the nature of the flesh, and unto it we submit, but Jesus has conquered the flesh, and gives us eternal salvation in him. The pain will remain for a time, but healing has already begun.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

perspective

2006-03-18T23:51:00.000-06:00

In any given situation you make a choice, either you make the best of it, or you make the worst of it. Although that choice is not always made consciously, you make it nonetheless. Let me give you an example. Your friend sets you up on a blind date with one of his co-workers. He tells you all about her, and how he thinks you'd both hit it off. When you first see her, you definitely find her physically attractive, and your pretty excited you agreed to the date in the first place. You start chatting in the car on the ride to the restaurant. Although you'd initially only agreed to dinner, you immediately start thinking about the possibility of a movie afterward. While chatting in the car during the drive to the restaurant, she mentions an ex-husband. Not only are you only 21, but so is she, and your very concerned about the fact that she's already been married and divorced. You ask if she regrets getting married at such a young age, to which see agrees. She was young and naive, and thought she was "in love." They'd been high school sweet hearts and at the time marriage seemed like the next logical step. She mentions she is currently attending a 4 year college, and working part time. You are pretty impressed, as it seems although she made a rather big mistake, she seems to have gotten her life back on track. You ask if she likes going to the gym, to which she replies that due to school and work, she rarely has time. As you pull into the restaurant parking lot, she mentions she's going to have a smoke while you get a table. This really catches you off guard, as your vehemently against smoking. You don't say anything, but realize the chances of there being any future with this person is unlikely. This is the point where a choice is made, the person who chooses to "make the best of it," will make sure he enjoys the meal, makes good conversation, and finds a way to politely decline a 2nd date. The person who chooses to "make the worst of it" on the other hand, will make little conversation, and be so bothered by the smoking that he won't enjoy his meal, and will go out of his way to make sure she realizes he never wants to see her again.

You'll often hear people referred to as pessimistic or optimistic, but what does that mean? Essentially those two words describe opposite characteristics, they are the extremes. By definition a pessimist is someone who ONLY sees the negative, and an optimist is someone who ONLY sees the positive. In reality, very few us fall in those extremes, but could be placed on a scale somewhere between the two. I practically apply it this way; I hope for the best, but expect the worst. Sounds good right, but what does it mean. I found that I could expect disappointment, while maintains my true hope for success. Let me apply my view to the blind date example. I would go into the date having no expectations of the other person (ie assume they'll blow you off, they'll be unattractive, you'll have nothing in common, etc.), then make your plans accordingly. I would choose my favorite affordable restaurant (ie a low risk investment), and have her meet you there (ie escape plan). I'd then imagine the ideal (they'll arrive early, they're attractive, they have so much in common, etc.). I'm not only eating an excellent meal, but i'm with excellent company. Even though she could easily leave, she WANTS to stay. So then the worst case senario is you end up eating an excellent meal, with horrible company, whom you'll never have to see every again. This philosophy can be used in every aspect of life. You see God created us in his own image, but we are sinful by nature (human beings). God wants us to have hopes and dreams, but gave us a brain to make logical decisions based on reality and practicality. God calls us to yearn for his will, which is greater then our own, but knows that born in sin, we will fail. That is why he sent his SON, whose blood cleanses our sins, and allows us to continue on the path to righteousness. Sin is our reality (the expectation), but Christs blood is our salvation (the hope).

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." - John 3:16-21 (NIV)

business UNusual

2006-03-09T00:57:00.000-06:00

Why can I grasp grandious concepts, and yet simple things puzzle me? What joy can be found in these meaningless pursuits of that which is temporary? What makes me long for fuel? Why am I so passionate about the journey, while others wallow in the mediocre?

Concept: the big idea - the underlying force that drives you to the goal
Application: the method, the manner in which you practically utilize the concept
Outcome: success or failure; the end result

Being an entrepeneur, I have many BIG IDEAs.. my problem is the application. As the saying goes, "there is more then one way to skin a cat." ie There are always many routes to the same destination. The problem lies in finding the BEST route or method to make the concept a success, which in business is profit, and for me satisfaction.

Since many of my "big ideas" are still classified, let me give you a familiar example.

indoor lighting

concept: the term "lightbulb" was created after the invention, ie no one set out to make a lightbulb, they had a concept, which in this case was to create a means by which light could be easily controlled in any enviornment.

application: the only competition exsisted from a candle, which only lasted so long, and had to be extinguished and relit when needed. light is crucial for many tasks, especially since sunlight only lasts for so many hours in a given day. the candle already proved that it was possible to "create" light. the key to success would be to make it more controllable and easily accessible.

outcome: eventual success - the big idea was around for sometime, but the capabilities weren't in place for many years, as the lightbulb wasn't possible without electricity.

Creating a successfull business is the same way, there are many factors to consider, and you can never fully control them all. If you never willing to fail, you'll never succeed.

Pity is self loathing, Scrafice is selfless, Anger is ignorance, Pain is life altering, Love is indescrible - and yet I quanitfy it. Hate is fury - and yet I control it. My flesh cries out for the temporary, and yet I long for the everlasting! I am my flesh, and yet I am not. I am my reflection, and yet I am not. I AM, and yet I AM NOT! -poem "memyselfni" by drew tufano

change

2006-01-27T20:29:00.000-06:00

"The best laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft a-gley." - Robert Burns

No matter how well thought out, our plans can go astray. Your driving down the road of life, trying to look far enough ahead to avoid the potholes, speedbumps, and drunken drivers. You remembered to check the spare, carry some extra cash, and bought a map. You meet some friends along the way traveling the same path, or so they said, but you were careful to keep a watchful eye. You seemed to be moving fairly unabated, although your friends would sometimes waver, you kept them honest. You stayed vigilant, and hoped for the best, but planned for the worst. You and your friends managed to make a lot of progress despite some flats, blowouts, and a couple close calls. The time went by so quickly, it seems the good times are always that way. Your friends started changing, but it was gradual and hard to confirm. You started taking more initiative to lead. Although you managed to keep everyone moving down the same path, your travel slowed and became bumpy. The signs of impending failure kept nagging at you, but you didn't want to believe them. You were content with how things had been, and you became complacent. Then one day it all came to a head, your friend became your enemy, and he tried to force you off the edge of a cliff. But having planed for the worst, you managed to avoid it. He'd caught you off guard however, and you wound up hitting a tree. So here you find yourself, alive but broken. Do you seek revenge? NO, your better then that, you'll be the bigger man, what you reap you shall sow. Do you wallow in your pain? NO, the pain only makes you stronger, you push through it, you get back up, and you get back on the road.. because although you've been slowed, you'll never stop moving, until the day your Father calls you home.

You see change is inevitable, we don't always see it coming, but when it does, we must take action. We must not allow it to ever stop our progress, but take it in stride and know that a better day always lies ahead!

Everything in moderation

2006-01-23T22:03:00.000-06:00

Remember when you used to poke fun of your sibling/s? What did your parents always tell you? Well, I know mine would always tell me, to 'look in the mirror,' before judging everyone else. It's not the action that they were referring to but the self reflection, on the type of person you are. Who are you to tell someone else how to eat healthy if all you do is eat junk? Who are you to judge others financial decisions when your $50,000 in debt. The bible referenced this behavior as not focusing on the speck in your brothers eye, and instead focus on the log in your own. ie Don't judge others on issues that you yourself are not successful in.

Unfortunately in todays society, not only do we focus on everyone else's failures, but we blame them for our own. Why do we no longer strive to live a life of INTEGRITY (taking responsibility for your actions and beliefs)? Every second of every day your making decisions, are you willing to be held accountable for them?

If when you look in the mirror, you see something you don't like, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Don't blame it on someone else; your parents, the government, fast-food, your job, your spouse, your kids, bad luck, bad genes, income, etc. Take responsibility for yourself, and do whatever is necessary to make it happen (as long as it's legal and ethical!).

Keep in mind that it won't be easy, and they'll probably be a lot of pain, sweat and tears involved, but what is Joy without sorrow? I'm not talking about Ying and Yang (the belief that good and evil must be balanced for there to be harmony), that goes against what the bible teaches. Evil is not a state, but an absence of Good. So also Sorrow is the absence of Joy, and thus in experiencing its absence, we can better appreciate the times of Joy.

Your key to success will involve practicing what the bible refers to as the "friuts of the spirit," this isn't some religious 'mumbo-jumbo,' but attribuites that if practiced will only lead to a more fufilling exsistence. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Lets use a practical example:
You look in the mirror, and realize your overweight.. whadda do?

Which "fruit of the spirit" would this fall under? How about SELF CONTROL? Your overweight because your intake is greater then your physical activity, and so you gain weight. How do you fix the problem? You change your habits and lifestyle. When you see that commercial for 3 Pizzas for $15 dollars, you don't pick up the phone. When there is someone at work every other day having a birtday party, you polietly decline the cake. When your depressed you don't eat everything in the kitchen cabinet. You TAKE CONTROL. You don't have to buy the latest fab diet, or go to the gym 20 times a day. You have to set a realistic goal, and take steps to make it happen. Lastly, you make friends with someone who is fit and healthy, and ask them for assistance. The same principals can be applied to any life senario.

How do you ensure others will follow? When someone asks you for assistance (in an area where you are sucessfull), you rise to the occassion.
Keep in mind though, If they ask you for assistance in an area that you are unsuccessfull, DON'T TRY TO HELP!

the GOLDEN ticket

2005-12-16T12:34:00.000-06:00

Most people probably think of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory when they hear 'the Goldent ticket,' but did you realize such an object TRULY exsists?

You probably know it by its other description, 'a college diploma,' and its carat rating is based on which institution you PURCHASED it from.

Think about it, the truly successfully are not the ones who played by the rules, they make thier own and set the bar for others. Is it not the irony of all ironies that Bill Gates, the RICHEST man alive, who he himself is a college dropout (http://www.geocities.com/CollegePark/7734/cdoaa.html), only hires college graduates?

This fact alone says volumes. People who attend prestigious colleges costing $40,000 a year, that graduate, then go on to work for major coporations are the lemmings of our society. If you asked any one of them 20 years later, if the lived a satisfying exsistence they'd say, NO! They aren't the Geniuses, the Artists, the Heros, or the Remembered. They are the ones whose lives are wasted on meaningless pursuits of 'self-motivation,' 'political-correctness,' and 'company-loyalty.' They become so brain-washed they cease to think on their own accord, and spread ignorance like wildfire.

Do you realize the US wouldn't exsist if it weren't for the 'RUGGED-INDIVIDUALISTS?'

Think about it for a minute, they told the most powerfull empire of that time to essentially 'SHOVE-IT,' because they were going to do as they pleased. But they weren't a bunch of anarchists, just the opposite. They had such firm faith in their beliefs they were willing to risk everything (their lives) to achieve them. A society where ANYONE has the opportunity to succed.

These same parallels can be made for the homeless or those living in poverty. 99% of all homeless people are homeless BY CHOICE (due to BAD choices they made), not by circumstance. They choose to be lazy, not work hard, and not care about hygien. They choose to do drugs, drink alcohol, and not let anyone help. They are liars, cheats, and theives. They have no character or moral fiber. The only ones they have to blame are themselves.

Do you know of anyone who trully needed HELP in this country, who didn't get it? I can't think of ONE! You reap what you sow..

Those of us who value what we have and value our blessings, ensure we help the helpless, and care for those truely in need.

Just because it's easy, doesn't make it right! Just because it's right, doesn't make it easy!
Your unique, your gifted - don't be a lemming!

{}CIRCLE{}

2005-12-04T23:59:00.000-06:00

have you ever just sat and wondered ... "why?"

lets assume for agruments sake the answer is 'YES!'

why do we exsist? lets look at it from a distance..

your born, you grow up, you got to school, you go to work, you get married, you have kids, you retire, you get old, and you die. BUT WHY?

you do realize your repeating the CIRCLE!

when you die, your offspring is destined to repeat the same process... but again, WHY?

well, this is where the answer becomes difficult, as many people throughout time have pondered this same prediciment. it's generally termed: "what is the meaning of life?"

and everyone at some point in their life with have to come to terms with this question, as it's un-avoidable.

The answer to the meaning of life is PURPOSE !

Here our the options:

a) you are purley what you see in the mirror everyday; FLESH. you exsist because of an 'extrodinary accident' that occured in the universe one day. you'll repeat the CIRCLE then cease to exsist.

b) you were divinely created by a creator who loves you, dispite your sinful nature. you exsist because you do have a PURPOSE, which you will never fully understand. your life is just one phase of an etneral journey which is your infinate exsistence.

why I choose B:

without PURPOSE, what's the point of living? why exsist? is repeating the CIRCLE what drives your exsistence?

just like everyone else, i've experienced times of great sorrow and pain, but those times have allowed me to cherish and appreciate the times of joy and happiness. LIFE is the ultimate experience, where your journey begins!

REALITY check

2005-10-25T18:20:00.000-05:00

the 'television'

did you ever stop to think what it is your really doing when you "watch" tv?

from a physical standpoint, your sitting on a comfy object (couch, bed, chair, etc) staring wide-eyed into a giant plastic box with a glass screen, but here is the kicker.. the enjoyment it can bring us.. the same can be said for a computer, or movie theater.

why?

it would be obvious to the majority of us, that it isn't the plastic object thriving off electricity that brings us enjoyment..

how has SURVIVOR become so wildly successfull? If someone filmed your everyday exsistence would it be worth watching? would you watch a show that followed 'average joe' going to work 9-5, comming home - watching TV, then sleeping and repeating that for a month? I wouldn't. So why has 'reality' tv become so enticing? It's the DRAMA. I lead my life purposely avoiding 'drama,' and yet I love watching it on TV. We like taking part in others fantasy, but want to be able to step away when necessary, and that is what TV gives us. We can be Athletes, Heros, Villians, etc. We can participate where-ever and whenever, and can walk away at any time.

When we're alone, it brings us comfort, as it makes us feel connected to others. Anyone can enjoy it, young or old - rich or poor. It makes no judements, it doesn't care what you look like or how you dress.

Many people try to blame Television for problems in society, if we were to remove all Televisions how would society be different? IT WOULND'T. TV just EXPOSES things that have been happening all-along.

I think many people need to look up BALANCE in the dictionary.. you need to have BALANCE in your life, you CAN have too much of a good thing.

Television shouldn't be a substitute for hard work, dedication, relationships, or sports.

oh, and if you need to learn more about BALANCE, tune in to Wife Swap one of these days..

WHOA MAN~!

2005-10-05T23:46:00.000-05:00

read between the L _ I _ N _ E_S...

the word woman wouldn't exsist without man, and yet women give birth - and not men!

God created man (adam), and God saw that man (adam) needed a life companion, and created eve. Adam's first expression apon seeing eve was 'Whoa MAN!,' and I guess it just stuck.

All Men(Men and Women) are created in Gods image, so none of us lacks value, it's really what we choose to do with the 'gifts' we're given.

We can use them for Good or Evil. That's Free Will.

Think of the Bible as the ultimate MANUAL to living the most fufilling life possible. Life isn't about reading the Manual, it's about using it as a guide (a reference).

Think of it like this:
when you wake up, your hungry, right? do you have to be told, in detail, how to eat? no. but did someone show you the right way to go about that particular task at somepoint? yes! God has given us the tools to accomplish our goals, as well as the manual for proper operation, but it's up to you to use them!

do you know what a clik is?
clik: a group with which you identify because you share ONE thing in common.

most common: Church clik, Sports clik, Work clik, School clik
more common: Smoking clik, Drinking clik, Partying clik

why cliks are unhealthy?
by definition a clik only has to share ONE thing in common.. it's full of people you'd call aquenticies. people you don't really know.

lets use the Church clik as our example.

you and millions of other people go to 'church' every sunday, and call yourselves christians.. why?
1) it's the right thing to do
2) God demands it
3) the community expects it
4) the USA is a christian nation
5) you have nothing better to do
6) by habit

how many of those millions of people do you REALLY know? let's say your really social (100)

so you associating with a HUGE group of people you don't REALLY know, and your calling yourself the same thing they do?

the term Christian has been so mis-used and abused that every person who is asked its definition would tell you something different.

1) christ follower
2) little christ
3) someone who attends church on sunday
4) any USA citizen
5) anyone who isn't an atheist
6) those people on tv asking for your money
7) hypocrites
8) liars
9) child molestors
10) gold diggers

do you really want to associate yourself with a term that is so AMBIGUOUS?

In my first post i broke down my true association, and I haven't meet one person yet who is EXACTLY like me!

do I use classifications for my relationships? sure

I have aquenticies, co-workers, friends, close friends, and family.

I'm me, i'm unique and so are you..

but bear in mind, we are all created in Gods image, and God doesn't make mistakes - you DO!

the shadow knows

2005-08-30T21:19:00.000-05:00

intro to me:

grew up in socal (as we californians call it), although my family liked to move alot - it was all within southern california (think - orange county, los angeles, chino prison, disneyland, hollywood). and yes I chose those particular images for a reason, as they sum up socal in a nutshell.

me:

21 year old renaissance(well rounded) man (a dying breed, possibly dead already?)
6' nothing. or above average if you prefer.
italian-irish-spanish-mexican-japanese-english american! (yes, i do hate the 'white' check box on every government form i've ever filled out. WHITE IS NOT AN ETHNICITY!)
165lb. fit but not toned - athletic but not muscular.

my profession:

i would say computers pure and simple, but for those of you inclined to details (computer enthusiast extrodinare) and for those of you less savy Computer Consultant.

my life:

to sum it up - PRACTICAL. (i don't argue, just state the obvious more clearly)

i like to shake things up, as most people i've ever meet can attest, i'm a go getter - the term work hard / play hard is really only the 'tip of the iceberg' in my book. although i'm always open to new things, i wouldn't say i'm a free spirit. I'm open to spontaneity while enjoying consistency (integrity).

current coordinates:

CLASSIFIED (behind the big red firewall)

current status:

SINGLE and looking (meticulously!)

any questions.. ?