the next adventure

so i rarely journal...

but i needed to flesh out some things. i've been in this crazy place lately. it's hard to put to words. maybe i'm just bad with words. it seems when i need them the most they fail me. when i'd like to express myself clearly, i'm the least clear. and yet i have these moments of pure brilliance. that sounded pretty prideful, i apologize. but seriously, like God has allowed me to be present to watch him work. and my heart swells to think that i want that for you. i want you to know Him and see Him, even if for brief glimpses of something indescribable. i desire to share that, to see people encounter and experience Him. i've been feeling discontent lately. i want more than this. and i don't mean like empty. i mean like i feel like i settle for good. but He is great, He is creator King of the universe. am i limiting Him? like my little plans could compare to His? it's just i've seen bad, i've seen ugly, i've seen horrible. like i'm negotiating with Him, and telling Him i'm okay with good... i just don't want horrible. but He's sitting there saying you can do good, but only i can do great. the holidays are hard. this whole single thing is beginning to weigh. like i could have something, but i don't just want something, i want something beautiful ... something that reflects who He is. so i pray for that. i pray for something beyond me, something only He can provide and is capable of.

i've tried to describe my life before, and always the best descriptive i have is i'm caught in the whirlwind that is God. not even sure if that's really adequate, but it's the closest i've got. but if i'm inviting someone to join me in it, i'd have to ask them if they're ready for an adventure. He's been so faithful in that prayer, and the invitation stands.

and so i await the next adventure... maybe the next chapter in the story. you get the picture.