friendship: back to basics

We've gotten really good at facades, at putting up these masks so people won't see the true us. We're afraid they'll reject us if we're truly vulnerable. Our prejudice is inescapable, as it was wired into us as a measure of protection, but we've perverted it. We've mastered the art of twisting good things, and using them for evil purposes. We've seen phony, we can spot it a mile away. We want honest, raw, and real. We know that only Jesus was perfect, so anything that claims perfection we reject. We're not asking for much, just Genuine people.

How do we break down these false selves?
How do we find what we seek?

Authenticity: inward devotion confirmed by outward appearance

The bible gives us some characteristics of Godly friendships, modeled by Jonathan and David.

Humility and submission (submitting to God by submitting to others, serving one another, putting others interests above our own)
Jonathan was heir to the thrown, and next in line to be king of Israel, but he knew that God had anointed (chosen) David to be the next king. Jonathan was a man after Gods heart, and He saw the same in David. In submitting his thrown, He submitted to Gods will that David should be king.

After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father's house. And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.
1 Samuel 18:1-4

Sacrifice (giving things up for the sake of others)
Jonathan stood by David, even while he was being persecuted, and it cost him dearly. Jonathan risked his life, when He stood by David, even though his father, King Saul, wanted him dead.

Saul's anger flared up at Jonathan and he said to him, "You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don't I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you? As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. Now send and bring him to me, for he must die!" "Why should he be put to death? What has he done?" Jonathan asked his father. But Saul hurled his spear at him to kill him. Then Jonathan knew that his father intended to kill David.
1 Samuel 20:30-33

Love (patient, kind, humble, giving, forgiving, persistent, truthful, hopeful)
Paul defines love for us in his letter to the Corinthians.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-6

This is the same love Jesus lived out, and called us to display.

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
Matthew 22:36-40

Love is the foundation on which everything else rests.

The bible tells us that our sinful nature always looks first to the outward appearance

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7

Since both believers and non-believers judge based upon outward appearance, we need to ensure appearance doesn't become a barrier to developing friendships.

Hygiene (bathing, brushing your teeth, cutting your nails, wearing deodorant)
Do you know where we get the word hygiene? It's derived from the Greek word hygiene which means to be sound, to be in good health. This word is used by Paul in his letter to Titus numerous times.

Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.
Titus 2:2

Physical Health (health, weight, physical appearance)
Gluttony (over-eating) is a sin, self-control is a fruit of the spirit. Your body does not belong to you, it belongs to Christ, honor Him with it.

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined.
Titus 1:8

Although outward appearance doesn't guarantee true inward devotion, it is an indicator. Think of all the Godly men and women you look up to, doesn't their outward appearance match their inward devotion? Jesus often described believes as trees; a healthy tree produces good fruit, but an unhealthy tree produces bad fruit. If you saw a piece of rotten, stinky, decaying fruit, would you eat it?

By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn-bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.
Matthew 7:16-18

Ask yourself these questions...
Will you reflect Christ's love to others?
Will you serve God by serving others?
Will you be a friend like Jonathan?

challenge yourself to be proactive when developing friendships, instead of waiting for someone to call you, try calling them instead, and be persistent. You'd be amazed what can happen when you model Christ's love to others.

* all scripture quoted is from the NIV translation of the bible