afriad of failure

for so long i've been terrified of failure. father, how many times must i fail, how many attempts before success... will it always be this way?
would you have me run after you only to be broken and disappointed?
would you have me mocked and ridiculed?

would you have me run this race alone...

i've known disappointment so well, i began expecting failure. and when your eyes lose focus on Him, and instead become anxious, you no longer hear the voice whispering... i'm worth any cost, nothing will ever compare.

you give the lies credibility, you justify inaction, you give up the fight.

for 3 years i turned my back on the bride, i wanted nothing to do with her. father, how can this be your bride? selfish, dishonest, and hateful. how can she ever bring light to a dark world?

and for 3 years He revealed, and exposed. you are selfish, you are dishonest, you are hateful, and I LOVE YOU! I came, the righteous for the unrighteous, the spotless for the soiled. I paid the debt you could never pay, I bore the punishment you deserved. I conquered death, so that you may live! Now Live as I lived, Die as I died, and Love as I loved.

what i saw as failure, He saw as discipline... what i saw as broken, He saw as refining... and when I was mocked and ridiculed for His name, He was carrying me.

may He be made more as I am made less, in my success or failure... blessed be His name!!!

1 Timothy 6:11-16 (NIV)
But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which God will bring about in his own time—God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To Him be honor and might forever. Amen.