prelude to dating

The foundation on which I base my philosophy, without which no relationship can ever succeed.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Matthew 6:33 (NIV)

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31 (NIV)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)

Dating – getting to know an individual of the opposite sex with whom your pursuing a relationship that will ultimately culminate in marriage. 1st-3rd dates don’t qualify as dating.

1st Date – a meeting between one member of each sex to get to know one another better. Think of it like job interview. The first interview is used as a filter, to determine if you meet the qualifications to proceed to the 2nd interview. The same applies to the 1st date, your seeking answers to important questions, that will determine weather or not to proceed to a 2nd date. A first date has no strings attached, meaning only one side has to have interest at this point. You could technically go out with anyone on a first date, but again thinking of it like a job interview, even before a first interview, they usually use some method of filtering. The objectives of the 1st date are to have fun, really get to know the other person, and enjoy each others company. The 1st date requires two things: quality time, and quantity time. What is quality time? Quality time is when your in a setting that allows you to communicate openly and freely. Good examples: a coffee shop, or a restaurant. Poor examples: a movie theater, your house or her house, a concert. You want the setting to be in a public environment, and one that promotes conversation. You should both know the location, and drive separately. You should both feel comfortable and if things get weird, you have an easy way out. What is quantity time? The date should last a minimum of two hours, if you can’t set aside that amount of time, then schedule the date for another day. If your openly conversing, then it’ll take time to get through all the topics you should be discussing to really get to know the person, and meet the objective of determining if you should proceed to a 2nd date. There should be no physical contact of any sort on a first date, so as not to send confusing signals. The goal of the 1st date is to be open and honest.

2nd Date – just like the 2nd job interview, you still don’t have the job. There are no strings attached, and after it is over neither party is obligated to proceed. Again using the Job interview analogy, if you’ve made it to the 2nd interview, both parties now have interest. Unlike a 1st date, both people should now have an interest in possibly pursing a relationship with the other person. There should be no 2nd date if this is not the case. The goal is to be open and honest, if you accept a 2nd date, but have no interest, you are not following those guidelines. The 2nd date should be more creative, and show another side of your personality that may not have come out in the first date setting. Good examples: going grocery shopping together, running errands together, baking cookies, etc. Poor examples: doing the same activity as the 1st date, movie theater, concert, etc. Again the objective of the 1st date is very similar to the 2nd but the setting is more relaxed, and shows a new side of your personality. The 1st and 2nd dates should be setup, arranged, and paid for by the guy. The 2nd date should also meet the two requirements of Quality and Quantity time. The goal of the 2nd date is to determine if you should proceed with a 3rd date.

3rd Date – in a job interview, the 3rd interview is the final interview. At the end of the interview, the employer will either offer you a job, or kindly communicate that you’re not what they’re looking for. The goal of the 3rd date is to make a final decision to purse a dating relationship with this person. Again, if we’re using the job interview analogy, even once your offered the job, you can still later be fired or quit. This works the same for relationships. Yes, by the end of the 3rd date you are making a commitment, just as you are on a 3rd interview if offered the job. The commitment your making though is exclusivity. Just like when you accept a job, your committing to coming to work everyday, and giving it your best effort, so to with a dating relationship. You can go out on 1st and 2nd dates with as many people as you’d like, but as soon as you get to a 3rd date with one of those persons, it’s decision time. The 3rd date should be arranged by the girl. She should pick the setting, and she should follow the same guidelines as a 2nd date.

There should also be a minimum of 2 -3 days between each date. This allows you time to pray and reflect, and seek wise counsel. It can be longer, but no less.